If you tried to connect with us earlier, we had our own May Day with the blog. Lion was trying to do something and blew it up for a while. He did explain it to me, but I usually just nod my head when he starts talking computerese. I like playing games with technology but I barely know how to turn on the tv with the complicated remote we have. Anyway, Lion worked his magic and now the blog is up an running once again.
I’ve been thinking about Lion’s post. What’s in this for me? Obviously I love making Lion happy. And although the sex was missing, we never really grew apart. We still held hands and snuggled. But I think what I get out of this is the closeness. We talk more. Not that we stopped talking, but we didn’t talk about sex and wants. I think we didn’t want to make each other feel bad. If Lion said he wanted to be tied down he thought I’d feel bad because I wasn’t doing the things he wanted. If I said I miss my kids I thought he’d feel bad because we can’t afford a trip to see them. So neither of us said anything.
I’m not saying it’s been a miracle right from the beginning. I’ve done a lot of bumping around in the dark. From time to time it gets very messy. Feelings have been hurt. But we talk now. If things are going off the rails, I am more likely to stop, back up and try it again. I never would have done that before. I would have just left it alone and gotten quiet. Lion would have either thought I agreed with him or that I was mad at him. And that’s not fair to either of us.
It’s so difficult to put it into words. In some ways I got the love of my life back even though he was always right there with me. In some ways chastity woke us both up. We’re not just going through the motions anymore. We never technically had a honeymoon. Maybe we’re having one now.