Finding Joy

Over the last few days we have had some issues with our server. I know Mrs. Lion alluded to them in her post yesterday. These problems are relationship related. I’ve been working on managing the issues. I think we have a solution and things should be stable once again. Some of the firewall changes caused our crash yesterday. That’s fixed now. Hopefully, we will return to normal once again. These issues are part of the price we pay for our independence from external server operators. I truly dislike dealing with things I don’t fully understand. But we’re back.

We’ve both been writing quite a bit about the mysterious effect that enforced chastity has had on our relationship. It’s mysterious because our marriage has been happy from the start. But as Mrs. Lion said in her post yesterday, one way we had so much peace is that we avoided discussing things we knew would hurt one of us. For me that was sexual needs and wishes. The fact is that we never resolved our differences in that area.

So, why would things be different just because of enforced chastity? That question has been on my mind for some time. For a time I thought it was because my being locked in a chastity device forced us to talk about my sexual needs. The game requires more than just lock the lion up and throw away the key. It requires teasing and delaying orgasms, doing things I won’t want at the time; all sorts of activities. In order for it to work, we had to talk. I had to tell Mrs. Lion what I wanted. But why is this different from me asking to be spanked? I think I finally figured that out.

My request to be locked up required an agreement to do something sexual over a long period of time. All the other stuff like spanking, teasing, etc. were all things that could go along with enforced chastity. So the commitment was to actually do things over a long period of time. That made me willing to discuss what I was thinking regarding enforced chastity. Since Mrs. Liion had agreed to do it, I felt more comfortable talking about things that turn me on.

Our blog opened up a comfortable line of communication for Mrs. Lion. She was able to communicate the good and bad feelings that went along with enforced chastity. Inevitably this included her feelings regarding my inability to initiate. We were able to work through them over time. Once I was able to give orgasms to Mrs. Lion, she realized that she let me do this because I enjoyed getting her off. She enjoyed the release but said she really wasn’t all that turned on. She attributes this to lack of libido. Part of me thinks it is because I am not sexually attractive to her.

These are much more recent conversations. The point is that we are having them, both here and in conversation. The decision to pursue enforced chastity has opened up this channel of communication. The chastity device is a catalyst that facilitates a much deeper, potentially more painful set of topics for us to discuss. This in turn has made us both much happier. We are learning that we can talk about difficult topics without worrying about hurting each other.

I think that this is why we are so committed to enforced chastity. It provides us with a way to learn how to communicate about things we deeply feel; things that might make one of us feel badly. Maybe the power exchange has made it easier for both of us to relate more as equal partners and worry less about the effects of potential hurts. As Mrs. Lion continues to grow stronger and fit into her role, I expect that we will become even better communicators. Anyway, that’s what I think is in it, not only for my lioness, but for both of us.

Male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and FLR with discipline. Locked since 1/2014. FLR 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

4 comments on “Finding Joy
  1. I think that you are exactly right. Enforced chastity forces communication in ways that aren’t necessary without it.

    Snake and I blog privately to each other daily in addition to our public blog. The public one is to share random thoughts and things that are going on within our D/s and FLR. The private one allows us to discuss things that are harder to discuss face-to-face along with ideas and fantasies that we might want to try.

    In addition, we’ve found it has made discussing all aspects of our sex life easier. We’ve found ourselves in many restaurants wondering what the people next to us think of our conversation. But, it really doesn’t matter because enforced chastity has really been great for our great-to-begin-with marriage.

  2. Caged Lion says:

    Thanks for the great comment. How often do you post to your private blog? We communicate by email and this blog a great deal. In the beginning it was our only way to share these scary, intimate thoughts. Now, however, we are just as apt to talk face to face. We also use this blog to share very intimate ideas that we used to use email to communicate. How do you set up a private blog? I’ve never tried that.

  3. We write Monday through Friday daily to each other privately. We started it thinking we would do it on the weekends too but it ended up being hard to find the time so we decided on just weekdays. The blog just works better for us because we can easily go back through to find links, pictures and comments that we want to reference. We use our public blog for things that we want to share.

    I have no idea how he set up the private blog. Snake is the techie in the family. 🙂 Ping him on Twitter and he can explain it to you.

What do you think?