I think that most of us think about enforced chastity in a monolithic way: lock up the penis and make him wait for orgasm. Of course, that’s true. It’s a little like saying all dancing is alike: people move their feet; also true, but clearly not a sufficient definition. Most conversations about this subject start and stop at locking up the penis, teasing, and eventual ejaculation. There are copious discussions about the security, fit, and comfort of various chastity devices. You can find millions of words describing edging, teasing, and orgasms written by people practicing enforced chastity. But there is almost nothing about the rest. What is that?
Enforced chastity generally begins very simply. A man learns about the practice and begins to have very hot fantasies about his penis being locked up so he can’t masturbate or have sex. In most cases, he can’t even get an erection. Why it is hot to have a fantasy about not being able to have sex is one of the mysteries of testosterone. The fantasies lead to buying a device and convincing someone to be his keyholder. You can read lots about that process here and on other blogs.
The mechanics are simple: get a device, convince someone to hold your key, lock it on, and at some point after much frustration, get to ejaculate. I think it is fair to say that most of us start off with no more information than this. The game is fun for a while, but is unlikely to go on very long without something else. It’s the “something else” that is where the variations come in. Here are three of them:
The marathon man
This guy wants to see how long he can abstain. He wants his keyholder to force him to wait for longer and longer periods of time. The device is locked on and doesn’t come off until his release date. In the beginning it can be a week or a month. Over time, he wants longer and longer waits. Almost invariably, at some point he never wants another orgasm. The chastity device isn’t necessary. A lot of men who practice this don’t wear devices. Some do want teasing between orgasms to make things more frustrating. The keyholder isn’t very important. Her job is to let him know that she would like him to never come. She encourages longer and longer waits. In many cases, when he does get to ejaculate, he has to masturbate under her supervision. He usually provides his keyholder with oral and manual orgasms.
It’s all about her
In this scenario, the caged male is expected to provide almost continuous sexual service to his keyholder. His interest in satisfying her increases the longer he waits. She postpones his orgasms as long as she can since she gets real benefits from his frustration. This is the classic enforced chastity fantasy. Some people live this. Generally they are younger people whose sex drives are near their peaks. The keyholder in this case is intensely involved in the man’s chastity. She is using her partner as a sex toy. Anything she can do to improve his performance, like extended waits, is what she values.
This may appear very one sided, but in fact the male is living a submissive fantasy. He is being used without any chance of reciprocation. For a submissive this is perfect. Many times, couples who practice this also include some BDSM: bondage, spanking, and extensive teasing. They both love it when he suffers, particularly the acute frustration that constant sexual arousal without satisfaction provokes. Long waits are necessary to force even a stoic guy to beg piteously. She will require intercourse frequently, but will punish him if he orgasms without permission. He gets punished if he does. I think that this particular arrangement is very rare. It requires both partners to possess a specific set of kinks as well as a woman with an insatiable sex drive.
The married man
This variation is the one that we practice. The guy has the same hot fantasies as the others. He asks his wife if she will be his keyholder. He tells her about his fantasies (as do the others). They start off with short lockups, some teasing, and then release. She has a normal-to-low sex drive. Providing her with sex is not tied to his chastity. She will release him if she desires intercourse. She doesn’t try to train him not to come while inside her. She may release him from the device for edging.
His waits are fairly short. Rarely does he have to wait more than a few weeks; usually only a week or two. Teasing sessions are very frequent. Over time she learns to enjoy his frustration, particularly when she repeatedly edges him. She may or may not enjoy the power he has given her. She does enjoy his frustration. It’s hot to see him so desperate to come, yet have to go without.
The marriage may have drifted away from sex. Sexual, and sometimes any physical contact have tapered off, maybe stopped. The chastity device and his sexual helplessness force them to communicate about sex. Over time, they use enforced chastity as a tool that restores their sex life and physical contact. Power exchange beyond controlling his arousal and release is not necessary for this to work. Many couples consider themselves vanilla, except for the device between his legs. It becomes a second wedding ring symbolizing their sexual and physical closeness.
There are many other variations. All enforced chastity shares the basic reality that the male loses sexual control of his penis. What happens once he is locked up can vary widely.