The long drought appears to have ended. Last night, Mrs. Lion cleared the unauthorized pubic hair. When I was my usual hairless self, she tied my balls and then went to work with her hands. I had no trouble getting and staying hard. She edged me several times. I had the obviously silly thought she would let me come. But no, drought or not, that wasn’t in the cards. It was fun feeling aroused again. I’m not entirely sure I am my old self, but I’m certainly a more sexual lion now. Part of my improved responsiveness may be due to a very promising interview this afternoon. For the first time I feel semi-optimistic that I could land a job. If I get this one, it will pay what I expect to earn. However, it is only a six-to-twelve month opportunity. Still, that’s something.
Yesterday, Snake wrote a post about /FLM. He shared his take on why it works for him. His main point, I think, was very similar to our take on enforced chastity and FLM. What makes it successful for him (and us) is the enhanced communication that results from a structure like enforced chastity and FLM. You can’t have enforced chastity by simply locking up your penis and giving the key to your wife. That becomes very unsatisfying almost immediately. There has to be more; a lot more. Exactly what that “more” is depends on you both. In Snake’s case the “more” is heightened sexual awareness, some D/S, and lots of shared fantasies and sexual thoughts. He talked about how strongly they both react to various communications. At a time in a marriage when sex can wane, enforced chastity and has assured it keeps improving. That’s worth a lot.
He reflected that you can find a lot of material that considers FLM as non-sexual. That doesn’t reflect his experience with it. I think that the people who don’t see what it has to do with sex are focusing on a different aspect. Let me explain. FLM//domestic discipline are all consensual power exchanges. Some have the male as the dominant partner, others the female. In both Snake and my case, the female partner has the power. In my case all this started as a sexual activity: enforced chastity. My sexual surrender caused Mrs. Lion and I to deal with sex on a daily basis. Withholding sex requires at least as much thought and effort as providing it. We began sexually communicating and we both love it.
So, like Snake and his Charmer, our central theme is sexual. In my case, when we began FLM, the power exchange entered a distinctly non-sexual area. I’ve always loved D/S. I admit that I get turned on by being spanked. So the thought of being punished for breaking a rule had a distinctly sexual flavor to me. Little did I know that with FLM punishment isn’t sexy or even a little bit fun. So, I have rules that I must obey. I must do what Mrs. Lion asks. If I slip up, which I did last night, twice, I am punished. Punishment is currently a spanking. But this isn’t the spanking that gets me hot to think about. This just hurts and hurts a lot. I hate it. So, what I imagined in a sexual context when I proposed FLM, almost immediately became distinctly asexual. For us, FLM is about power and my loss of control. It’s not about sex at all. Of course the orgasm control and enforced chastity are highly sexual and a lot of fun for us both. I’m pretty sure that Mrs. Lion is no fonder of spanking me than I am when she does it. But it is necessary for our power exchange.
My point is that I think almost all power exchanges originate out of sexual feelings. Almost all of them are proposed by the submissive partner in that exchange. Whether they want to admit it or not, the fantasies behind this exchange are sexual. I think this is true of all BDSM. What’s interesting is that sex in FLM is like the bait a fisherman uses to catch a trout. Once caught, the picture changes immediately for the trout, or in this case, lion. Unlike predation, there really isn’t a predator or hunter. Most of the time, the dominant partner agrees to take on that role out of love for the submissive partner. Unlike the fantasies, domination is a service that the dominant provides. Mrs. Lion provides it for me out of love. Less lucky guys have to pay someone for this.
Obviously, you can’t be in a power exchange and constantly stay aware of this reality. It would take all the value out of it. But on some level both partners need to remember what’s really going on. Having said that, I must admit that if you do this long enough, you will become more and more the roles you took on. After a while, the domination and submission become part of the relationship dynamic. I can feel that happening to us, at least in terms of the enforced chastity. The FLM is much more complex. I’m not sure that we will ever be conditioned fully into that. Of course, time will tell.