Earning Orgasms

Every so often Mrs. Lion and I talk about chastity games to keep things interesting, as she puts it. Yesterday, she mentioned finding a way I can “earn orgasms.” That’s an interesting way to say it. This renewed interest came from an ongoing system used by Steeled Snake and his keyholder, Charmer. In a comment, Charmer wrote:

“Snake, being the nerd that he is, has a spreadsheet on our private blog that keeps track of points for the last 14 days. It is a running total. I do nothing except assign point additions and subtractions and he is responsible for the updates. Loss of points or some other punishment if he doesn’t keep it current. Another page on our blog is the orgasm log for each of us, which he updates. So, not only do I get to make assignments, I don’t have to do any of the bookkeeping. ‘Make it so…’

It’s good to be in charge.”

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Their system involves assigning points for good behavior and subtracting points for things that Charmer deems naughty. During each 14 day period, Snake has to earn a specific number of points to be eligible for an orgasm. Reaching the goal within 14 days doesn’t guarantee he will get one then. Charmer has the final word. Accumulating more than the goal earns him a bonus orgasm at Charmer’s discretion. This system requires Snake to keep careful track of points, and as Charmer says, he does it with a spreadsheet. Mrs. Lion said she likes the idea of earning orgasms, but is sufficiently number-phobic to shy away from a point system.

Until now, my orgasms have been 100% at Mrs. Lion’s discretion. She can plan releases or give me one spontaneously if the moment moves her.  To be fair, my behavior can enter into her decisions, but I’m never aware of her criteria. We do have behavioral controls, of course. Infractions of her rules results in punishment, generally a painful spanking. Her system is effective. It’s a part of our lives that works. There is no hard reason to look for something else, but adding rewards to our negative reinforcement regime could make things more interesting.

How hard would I work for an orgasm? I think that depends on how long its been since my last one. That’s the problem. After waiting only three days, my motivation for earning an orgasm is naturally lower than after ten days. The Snakes’ system nicely avoids that variation. Earning points after one day is just as important as it is after ten. The reason that system is effective is that we males can understand the concept of accumulating points to get off later. It’s much harder to internalize that being good today (after 3 days) will make my keyholder better inclined to get me off after 10. The reason is simple. I can understand that being good will give me a better chance at an early ejaculation, but I can’t understand how what I do now helps two weeks from now.

Positive reinforcement is difficult in the enforced chastity context. Behavioral psychology suggests that the reward should be given as close to the good behavior as possible. Since the reward in my case is impossible for each small accomplishment, another system must be found. Lions aren’t very good at deferred rewards. I don’t think men, in general, are when it comes to sex. The problem with rewards, or punishments for that matter, is that Mrs. Lion has to be vigilant and report events that requires either. Our month or so with punishments have challenged her to watch for infractions. It could become too much pressure to also have to note good boy events.

At the core of any reward/punishment system is the keyholder’s awareness of good and bad behavior. Since my transgressions are generally very small, Mrs. Lion needs to keep our system top of mind. That’s not easy for her. She doesn’t particularly enjoy any of this. There is no real positive reinforcement for her to become more vigilant. She isn’t a disciplinarian at heart. That’s our dilemma. Even if I do all of the score keeping, Mrs. Lion still has to decide what is good or bad. If she could make that second nature, then how we record and tally results could be my job. That’s something I do well.

Real life enforced chastity is quite challenging. The hard part isn’t what I do. I just allow myself to be locked and accept Mrs. Lion’s control. She has the difficult part. How have you managed rewards? Is there something that can help us? Please let us know.