Falling Off The Edge Of The World

I don’t think there are many human endeavors that come without cost. Enforced chastity is something that helps satisfy some deeply held male needs. It’s a real power exchange with the surrendered power the most fundamental force in a male’s life: his sexual pleasure. From Freud to Jung it’s well established that at the base, sex is one of the key drivers in our lives. It’s nature’s most powerful life force. Without it, we would be extinct. Human society limits sexual expression in complex patterns that includes marriage, consent, and propriety. All of this is imbued into our psyches almost from the moment we are born.

Now, we add enforced chastity. Those of us who desire it are strongly moved to surrender sexual control to a keyholder. In most cases, people give up after a short time. Either partner is just not emotionally prepared for what’s involved. That’s not a criticism of those people. Enforced chastity isn’t for everyone. Those of us that make it part of our lifestyle, I think are at risk for unexpected consequences.

Many men who have been practicing enforced chastity for over a year, some many years, report a significant loss of desire to ejaculate. Many don’t want to come at all. They do get occasional orgasms when their keyholders want them. This loss of interest is frequently described as, “transferring my sexual feelings to my keyholder.” Giving her orgasms, they say, nicely replaces their own. What started as keyholder control of the male’s sexual pleasure, ends up with the male completely subsumed by her sexual satisfaction. Guys who have been doing this for many years end up giving up their own orgasms entirely.

When we started enforced chastity, my wish was to have Mrs. Lion control when I can get hard and ejaculate. I see it as part of a larger D/S relationship. Unlike our previous play sessions, enforced chastity is 24/7. I’m pretty sure that most other guys started out with this idea as well. But something seems to happen to them. They lose interest in coming. Regardless of why they say this has happened, it is a loss of a major source of pleasure. The process seems to be very gradual. It starts with the desire for longer waits. Those waits become very pleasurable since desire grows each day. Providing orgasms to the keyholder keeps interest in sex alive and in the foreground. Ejaculation puts an end to the growing desire. It starts a refractory period that feels unpleasant. After some time, generally several days, the horniness returns and grows until the next ejaculation.

It isn’t hard to see that ejaculation, instead of being the climax to arousal, becomes the buzz kill that results in days of reduced pleasure. Logically, the longer the interval between ejaculations, the more arousal. After a while, ejaculation becomes superfluous; another service for the pleasure of the keyholder. For her part, the keyholder settles into an enjoyable pattern of orgasms and male obedience. She begins to see his penis as another toy for her sexual pleasure. I don’t think this is a conscious decision, any more than he decides not to ejaculate. It’s the logical consequence of the male arousal without ejaculation combined with her orgasm on demand. This isn’t some evil female plot. Both partners love one another and believe they are giving each other maximum pleasure.

It looks that way. He is on a constant arousal high only interrupted by the occasional ejaculation. She sees his great pleasure at pleasing her. It seems to be a win-win. He encourages her to give him longer and longer waits. She loves the sensual pleasures he is providing and believes that he must know what works best for him. Apparently abstinence with arousal is addictive. It is for me. Like most addictions, this one can have negative consequences. Do both partners really want him to be completely sexually dependent on her? Should he replace the satisfaction of ejaculation with near-orgasmic arousal? Should he crave sexual contact that doesn’t include his penis, or if it does, never to the point of ejaculation? That’s what appears to happen to a lot of us.

Speaking for myself, since Mrs. Lion doesn’t want orgasms, I can see my interest in my own ejaculation diminishing but I have no sexual replacement other than near-orgasmic teasing (edging). Lately, it’s very difficult for Mrs. Lion to arouse me until I have been waiting almost a week. I’m not happy about this. I don’t want to lose my desire to ejaculate. That would be falling off the edge of the earth to me. It’s early enough in our enforced chastity for me to understand what is happening. I think that if Mrs. Lion wanted orgasms, I wouldn’t have made this observation. The sweet haze of her sexual pleasure would have blinded me.

I think that this is a situation where keyholders have to save us from ourselves. No matter how natural or “right” you think this gradual loss of desire to ejaculate is, you probably agree that this could open the door to other changes you might not want. One of these is an increased emotional dependence on her. Again, maybe that is what you want. But I don’t. Regardless, I think keyholders should provide some sexual balance that doesn’t diminish their control, but will assure that the male is having pleasure himself for his own sake.

This is no easy task. Your reverse sexual addict doesn’t want things the way they were. This new model feels too good. At this point it doesn’t feel all that good to me. Here’s what I have been thinking about: There has to be sexual activity that centers around his pleasure exclusively. Just as he provides orgasms on demand for you, he needs you to focus on his sexual pleasure. It can be butt plugs and then extended teasing that doesn’t end with your orgasm. Stay dressed. Plug him, use a dildo (not a strap-on), and tease him. Persist regardless of how difficult it is to get his motor running. Vary when he gets to ejaculate. Don’t let the waits stretch on and on. Shorten them. Sure, sometimes he can wait a long time, but that long wait will be easy if he is used to waiting that long.

I think keyholder power should be aimed at his pleasure much more often than he may want. Based on what I have learned, optimal enforced chastity has a very horny male that craves ejaculation being controlled by his keyholder. As soon as he starts transferring his pleasure to the keyholder, control is being lost. Asking for longer waits is topping from the bottom as surely as asking for more orgasms. I know that this isn’t the popular line, but I think that one of the most important keyholder responsibilities is to assure her caged male’s sexual health.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015

Posted in Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Lion's Journal, Living with chastity
2 comments on “Falling Off The Edge Of The World
  1. I think the difference is orgasm denial vs. orgasm control. I feel like a lot of the denial is more fantasy stuff. I know there are some people who do this, but most people that I know are more interested in control.

    I control Snake’s orgasms. There are times when there are longer periods of time between them, but it is weeks, not months. If I want him to come, however, he does. It is usually spur of the moment and I just feel like it. But, again, I am in control. That is our dynamic and, while he craves the feelings of submission from not coming, he is still ready and willing when I say yes.

    We haven’t had any issues with Snake losing the desire to orgasm. He loves the feeling of being denied and forcing his attentions to me, but he still wants to come when given the opportunity. I’m sure that if that were not the case, we would be changing things around.

    • Caged Lion says:

      I agree with you. The observation that I’m making has to do with how the male changes over time. Based on my reading, especially by people I know are really doing this, these changes occur in the male regardless of the keyholder’s intent. I agree that most, if not all, keyholders want to do orgasm control. But the guys end up wanting less frequent orgasms, sometimes want to stop entirely. After years of enforced chastity, I think there is a good chance for unintended consequences in terms of losing interest in orgasms. As you say, it isn’t likely the goal of the keyholder, but over time it seems to be how the male interprets the control.

What do you think?