Report From The Outlands

This is your wild lion reporting to you from our mobile den (RV). It’s nice to get out and about. Mrs. Lion is enjoying herself spending time with her teenage daughter. She’s a very nice kid and smart too. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. It hasn’t been at all uncomfortable for me. There’s a WalMart nearby so it is easy to get any food items we didn’t have at home. The weather  is perfect: sunny and 80 degrees. I’ve ducked inside to write my post and get away from the highly allergy-provoking perfume the daughter is wearing. She will hopefully shower tonight or in the morning and the scent will be gone (if you wondered, I am writing this on Saturday night).

On the long ride here I was thinking about the differences between the male fantasies about enforced chastity and the reality. The fantasies are all about sex. The chastity device is locked on and the poor, horny male can only find satisfaction by providing his demanding keyholder with endless orgasms. Some of this is, of course, true, but it doesn’t go near the larger “rest of the story”.

Since enforced chastity is consensual, the guy has to agree to give his keyholder a lot of control she wouldn’t normally have. There is almost always more than just sexual control involved. Many fantasies involve, for example, earning orgasms. In the fantasy, the price for an orgasm is sexually pleasing his keyholder. In real life, as well as providing sexual services, he also has to be generally obedient. The longer the enforced chastity goes on, the more non-sexual control the keyholder ends up holding. I don’t think this is necessarily a conscious plan on the part of the scheming keyholder. It is a very natural evolution of the relationship dynamics.

I don’t think we can really separate sexual control from general control. Yes, in a short-term scenario, say a weekend or even a week or two, there isn’t enough time for this control evolution to take place. But over months and years there is a steady surrender of more and more power to the keyholder. if she is reluctant to take that power, he can grow restless and unhappy without a clue why his feelings have changed.

We tend to think we can compartmentalize our feelings. We imagine that we can separate sexual control from general obedience. For a while we can do it. With enforced chastity this power shift is subtle. Unlike classic BDSM, our keyholder exerts power by not doing something. A BDSM top has to punish, demand, and otherwise pull obedience out of the bottom. In enforced chastity, all the keyholder has to do is smile and say, “No, I’m not unlocking you tonight.” That’s it. We are locked into a device that prevents any sexual pleasure. Sooner or later we make the connection that if we are obedient, we stand a better chance of being unlocked for some pleasure.

At the same time we realize that sexual pleasure is a currency. The keyholder can set a price for the opportunity to be unlocked for teasing or an orgasm. Even if there is no negotiation or conscious understanding of this, either the caged male or his keyholder will understand that he will need to earn sexual pleasure. Whether it becomes a game where the keyholder plays with his need for release, or a more serious FLM, the enforced chastity becomes a powerful tool to instill obedience into the male.

You might be thinking that this isn’t you. It may not be on a conscious level. But what do you call it when your caged male has to ask and expect refusal for sexual pleasure. He can’t even masturbate without your consent. Isn’t that overt control? Even if you as keyholder, never tell him to do something, he will still find ways to please you since he believes that you must be happy with him in order to unlock his penis and allow him any sexual pleasure. There are couples who believe that they are completely vanilla and only practice enforced chastity. Yet, whether they acknowledge it or not, there is a power exchange going on.

That’s the thing about power exchanges; if  you don’t recognize the dynamic and jointly decide how you will proceed, it will evolve on its own. That unconscious evolution has the potential to become something that can drive a wedge between you. It can feel non-consensual to one or both partners. It can take on a life of its own that makes  you both feel powerless.

It’s not that power exchanges are evil. It’s just that when you engage in long term play like enforced chastity, you recognize the power dynamic involved. The  longer you do something like this, the stronger the control will become. It’s just human nature. If you recognize what is happening you can mold this exchange to become more fun and exciting. You can also stop the enforced chastity and get back to more equal footing. What you shouldn’t do is pretend that things are just the same a year after you start as it was in the first month. It isn’t. Things have changed. In our case they have changed for the better and over time we have recognized the power shift and have tried to formalize it into a dynamic we can both enjoy.

What do you think?