In her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion expressed a new resolve to take charge more. I’m not entirely clear on how that will translate into action, but I am sure I will be the first to find out. She wrote that I interrupted her yesterday and she called me on it right away. She did and it made an impression on me. I was a little surprised the paddle didn’t come right out. She chose to put it on Thursday’s list. That’s fine, of course. Meanwhile, the financial situation gets worse and worse. Hopefully someone will hire me soon. In the meantime we just have to tread water as long as we can.
As we have both been writing, figuring out a FLM (Female Led Marriage) isn’t easy for us. Over the years we have developed a division of work that has served us well. Mrs. Lion has indicated that she doesn’t want to change that very much. I agree. In some respects this is probably the worst time to mess with our dynamic. But in an important way, it’s a very good time. In the past Mrs. Lion has withdrawn from the decision-making process. I just took care of things. I think that arrangement might have temporarily been easier for her, but ultimately had to make her feel helpless. I truly don’t like things that way. I’ve been doing it, but it adds to my anxiety. If for no other reason than that I don’t want her to inherit my anxiety, I don’t plan to abdicate completely to Mrs. Lion. Of course if that is what she wants to do, well, she’s the boss. It will feel very good if she takes over talking to some of our creditors.
One of the most important parts of our relationship is the way we share responsibilities. When one of us screws up, there are no recriminations. I don’t expect that to change except when I am naughty. I think that most FLM couples don’t do a total power exchange. It would be too tiring for the woman to make all decisions and too frustrating for the male to be as dependent as an infant. This is one area where the fantasies don’t match reality. Women who begin FLM, quickly learn just how burdensome taking on 100% authority over another can be. Mrs. Lion and I are just starting to figure out where our FLM starts and ends.
We agree that she has the right to be in charge of anything she chooses. She’s the leader, after all. My behavior is entirely under her control. She controls me sexually. That’s been true for a long time since we started enforced chastity. She now also controls my manners and decorum. As you may have read, I interrupted her Monday night. Tomorrow she will burn my butt with her paddle as a reminder to watch my manners. This is the first punishment in several weeks.
As she said yesterday, Mrs. Lion is done with baby steps. She’s decided to dive right in. Undoubtedly that means there will be more spankings until I learn my lessons. I hate those spankings. I will learn as quickly as I can.
