I like to read other blogs. It’s educational and a lot of fun to learn how others approach enforced chastity. Based on my reading and conversations, guys often think that enforced chastity means extended waits between orgasms. It seems to be a point of pride for many that they wait longer and longer. This eventually gets to the point where the caged male becomes disappointed that his keyholder didn’t make him wait longer. Recently, Steeled Snake’s wife and keyhoder, Charmer wrote in their blog about a recent experience. Charmer wanted sex. Snake obediently provided his penis. Charmer decided that she wanted him to come inside her. He resisted. He hadn’t come since mid June and apparently he wanted to wait longer. She wanted him to come then and there. Of course he relented and provided her with his ejaculation.
This episode surprised me. You would think that the male would be craving orgasm. The fantasies always depict the keyholder’s power in terms of forcing her caged male to wait for an orgasm far longer than he would like. For some guys, the reality is exactly the opposite. He wants to wait longer than his keyholder wishes. Orgasm control changes from denial to forced ejaculation. At first blush this seemed oddly perverse to me. However, after some thought I realize that orgasm control isn’t necessarily orgasm denial.
Orgasm control is, as the term suggests, about control. Control means that the male has an orgasm when, where, and how the keyholder/top wants. It isn’t necessarily orgasm withholding. It’s control. When most guys start out, control means making him wait; making him impossibly horny and still not being allowed to come. Once he learns to manage, even enjoy waiting, control can become making him orgasm sooner than he would like. The point is that the keyholder/top owns and controls his orgasms. The lesson he has to learn is that sex for him has nothing to do with what he wants. His penis and ejaculations belong to his keyholder. If she enjoys watching him squirm with unfulfilled desire, then she will keep him in that state as long as she likes. If she wants to see him ejaculate, he will do it whether his last orgasm was yesterday or a year ago.
Both caged males and their keyholders often misunderstand the essence of orgasm control. In the beginning it may be limited to fulfilling the male fantasy of endless teasing without orgasm. He may never give up on that objective. Hopefully it won’t take his keyholder long to understand the actual meaning of this power exchange. Her first objective should be educational; she should train her male to accept endless teasing with no orgasm in sight. She has to do this in a way that won’t scare him off. So, many start with short waits and build up to longer and longer ones. It seems logical. Right? I don’t think it is.
The keyholder is actually training him to go from sprinter to marathon runner. She rewards longer and longer waits with wonderful orgasms. He is learning that the longer he waits, the happier she becomes. Sometimes, this ends up with the man wanting to just give up on orgasms entirely. Some keyholders are happy to oblige. If the keyholder is practicing enforced chastity to make her male happy, then as long as her sexual needs are met, she will be happy to give him permanent orgasm denial. She isn’t really in control. She is fulfilling his fantasy.
If the keyholder’s objective is obedience and acceptance by her male that his erections and ejaculations are for her pleasure, she has to play the game a bit differently. In the beginning it does make sense to train him to accept waiting despite being horny and sorry he gave her the key. It won’t take long for him to learn this and even actively participate in supporting her wish for him to wait. Once he seems to be proud of his “gift” of waiting, it’s time to change his training so he will understand that the objective of orgasm control is not simply long gaps between orgasms, but sexual control. Teaching this is not as simple as making him wait.
One way to start this phase of training is to teach him that he will ejaculate when she wants. Perhaps, shorten the wait times considerably. Make them much less, as little as a few days, than the length that makes him proud of waiting. When you want him to come, even if it is on the spur of the moment, tell him to come for you. Telling him to come, especially when he thought he would be waiting much longer, sends a powerful message about who is in charge.
A lot of women don’t understand why a male orgasm has such a powerful effect. The older a male gets, the longer it takes him to recharge after an orgasm. This is known as the refractory period. In practice, the physical refractory period is generally anything from a few minutes to several days. However, the emotional refractory period in a male who has experienced enforced chastity, can be much longer. Some guys report a feeling of depression for days after ejaculating. Most males trained to wait will feel some letdown because they know a new wait has begun and the orgasm reminded them how much they miss when they have to wait. Understanding this effect provides some insight into the look of disappointment when the orgasm comes earlier than he expects.
Since Mrs. Lion has never trained me to wait for more than two weeks, with most waits being a week or so, I don’t expect to run a marathon. I still get massively horny thanks to her daily, very effective edging. My emotional refractory period is very short, less than my physical one. I’m emotionally back to normal in a matter of hours, sometimes minutes. I never know when my next orgasm will come, but I don’t worry it will be months away. I’m learning that I come when Mrs. Lion wants, even if the wait is only a day or two. I can also wait two weeks or more if she doesn’t want my orgasm. Disobedience is punished by withholding the teasing and edging I love. Mrs. Lion owns my sexual pleasure and orgasms. Period.
I think that this is more of a power exchange than the marathon waits that some practice. I’m being trained that my job is to get horny, be teased and edged, and orgasm when Mrs. Lion wants. Her pleasure is my objective whether it is to provide her with many orgasms or to give her mine. That’s our version of orgasm control.