There are a lot of sexual generalizations out there. One is that men are always ready for sex. All a woman has to do is show mild interest and the man is ready to go. This generalization has led to a rich mythology that over the centuries has turned into fact. For example, almost every American girl is taught that she should avoid anything sexually exciting with a boy or she will be expected to “go all the way” with him. Later she learns that “all the way” can mean jerking him off or giving him oral sex. Girls who turn boys on and then don’t follow through are called “cock teases”. This is a serious insult. Any contact with male genitals is expected to end in ejaculation, unless you are a cock tease.
These early lessons affect behavior long after sex has become a routine part of life. How many wives avoid sexual contact when they don’t want intercourse? How many find it acceptable to tease their husbands and withhold orgasm? How many men buy into these myths? To some degree, we are all affected by these early lessons. One reason that enforced chastity is such a rich source of hot, male fantasies is that it features the taboo female behavior of tease with no ejaculation.
It goes much further than this. I think that traditional beliefs about sexual behavior suggest that male orgasm is the primary objective of sexual contact. Until the mid-twentieth century, women had no expectation of orgasms for themselves. The sexual revolution helped change that expectation. Women now expect and assure that they get orgasms. Despite these evolutionary steps, the vast majority of women believe that if they stimulate a penis, they have to assure it ejaculates. Many worry that if they don’t provide enough release for their males, that they will go elsewhere for sex. Sexually, it’s still a man’s world.
There are very few men who don’t masturbate. Single or married, young or old, men give themselves orgasms on a regular basis. Even guys with very active sex lives feel the need to jerk off. Study after study from Kinsey to Masters and Johnson verify this behavior. Before enforced chastity, I masturbated regularly, between one and three times a week. When the mood struck, if I was alone, I’d rub one out. Why we do it is unclear. Perhaps it keeps the plumbing active. Maybe it helps meet some emotional need. I have no idea. However, self gratification reinforces the belief that we males own our sexual pleasure and with or without partners, we will have it.
Some of us have fantasies in which we lose our sexual power. A powerful female removes our ability to ejaculate. She locks our penises in a device that prevents any stimulation. Sex is impossible. Masturbation is inaccessible. We are put in a sexual desert where only one person has the key that will let us get off. This is clearly a power fantasy. It’s similar to another, more common one (over 70% of males share it) where we are tied to the bed and a woman has her way with us. Those fantasies generally end with ejaculation, but the theme is loss of power. Both fantasies are very arousing and they generally end in masturbation. That’s how it worked for me, at least.
When I decided I wanted to make the fantasies come true and Mrs. Lion agreed, we both made some difficult changes. For my part, I am physically prevented from any self stimulation. Masturbation has become a distant memory. The last time I masturbated was a few days after I began wearing the chastity device. Mrs. Lion wanted to watch me jerk off. Since then I have not been permitted any self stimulation. Since then, I am teased regularly and brought to the edge of orgasm with no ejaculation; teased, edged, and locked up again. For months after we started I went through a predictable pattern: After an orgasm, my arousal would grow rapidly every day. By the fifth day I was climbing the walls. On the sixth day I was grumpy and cranky with frustration. On the days after that I would remain very horny but not feeling the urgent need for orgasm. After a year, I stopped feeling grumpy on the sixth day. My arousal grew more slowly. I lost my expectation that I would get an orgasm just because I was horny. I have pretty much forgotten about masturbation.
Mrs. Lion has had to unlearn her early conditioning. She has learned that the normal pattern of sex is that she gets orgasms when she wants them and that I only get them when she wants to give one to me. She’s learned that it is more than OK to tease me and bring me to the edge of coming over and over with no expectation of ejaculating. She has learned to enjoy my frustration. In our house, sexual norms have done a 180-degree turn. Now if Mrs. Lion is aroused, the expectation is that she will always get an orgasm if she wishes. I don’t expect to get an orgasm despite the length or intensity of sexual activity. Instead of expecting an orgasm after every contact with my penis, I have learned to accept and enjoy the stimulation without hope of ejaculating.
If I get to ejaculate I consider it a rare gift from Mrs. Lion. Her hands or other body parts are the only flesh that can touch my penis. It really belongs to her. Even I can’t touch it sexually. Occasionally, she holds my penis and I am allowed to “buck” until I am at the edge, then she opens her hand and I am fucking air. Ocasionally she hangs on and I am allowed to make myself come by fucking her hand (video of a guy bucking to orgasm NSFW). I’ve been conditioned to not enjoy my own touch. She can leave me uncaged for days and I will never give myself an erection. I am not sure I can if I want to try. Erections belong to her. The conditioning that continuous orgasm control has provided, changed me, perhaps permanently. Does all this make me less of a male? I don’t think so. I’m just different now.