My libido has been missing in action for a long time. When Lion talks about how long it’s been since he masturbated, you can probably add six months, at least, and that’s how long it’s been for me. I’ve been mostly unconcerned about it. To me, it’s just one more thing to worry about. And worry Lion does. He wonders why he doesn’t turn me on anymore. And he worries that if he doesn’t turn me on there may be someone else who does. There is no one else. Deep down he knows that, but sometimes it seems that no amount of reassurance helps. If my lack of libido doesn’t bother me, why does it bother him so much?
Last night I was thinking about his question of why I like it when he’s horny. I said it was because it’s a response he only has for me. And then I had my aha moment. Wouldn’t it be the same for me? Why am I not having that response for him? So now I understand a little better why it bothers him so much. So now I guess I have to worry about it more myself.
Of course, we still have the number one priority of getting Lion a job and getting the finances back on track. That has to take precedence over everything else. Once that is under control I can attack whatever my issues are. Doctor appointments, tests, nutritional supplements, etc. I’m not looking forward to any of it, but I owe it to Lion. He does so much for me.