Change

On the way to our destination last weekend, the truck reminded us it was time for an oil change. By the ride home it was demanding it. So today we are sitting, waiting for the oil change. And suddenly, Lion decided, after finding out he didn’t get the marathon-interview job, that it’s time to panic. Well, not panic exactly. Just time to decide what our next step should be.

One thing I have to give my ex credit for is knowing when to circle the wagons. We lived through many financial problems. His first response was always to cut expenses drastically. No more extras. He called it low tide mode. We had to wait for the tide (money) to come back in.

At this point, the tide is not low. It is non-existent. Time for change. Unfortunately that change now has to happen quickly. We should have planned better.

Lion is better at financial decisions than I am, but when this ship goes down it’s taking both of us with it. I cannot put all the decisions on him. Nor can he put them all on me. However, since decisions are not my strong suit, and I find them exhausting, should I have to be the decision maker for our sex life? Sure I have delusions that I will one day wake up and be all-powerful. I’ll have no problems telling Lion what to do and how to do it. But that’s not reality. It’s not even my fantasy.

On the other hand, if I make the decisions for our sex life, will that give him the piece of mind needed to make financial decisions? Not alone, of course. But if he is assured that I have the marriage/sex taken care of, will it help him in other areas? Just a thought. Obviously we need to talk this through. It’s important that neither one of us feels like we’re doing everything.

I am definitely not a fan and of change, but it is inevitable. In the past year and a half we’ve both changed a lot. We’re not done yet.