As predicted, Lion reported that he may be horny yesterday. He wasn’t sure how long it would last (hint, hint) but at least it was a start. He reminded me again as the evening wore on. He’s very subtle. He asked me how I was feeling. I guess there’s no sense proceeding if I tell him I’m not feeling well. Many times that won’t stop me from playing with him, but I understand his need to test the waters. As I was looking something up online I thought he would be interested in too, he told the dog it was getting late and things tend to slow down the later it gets. Ahem. Hint. Hint.

When I finally suggested going into the bedroom, he almost sprinted in. He was definitely horny. And it didn’t take long to get him hard. He was none too pleased that the night didn’t end with an orgasm. He said I made his horniness worse. The nerve of me! I told him I was glad he was horny. I like it when he’s horny. I don’t know when his scheduled day is but I might just march right past that date to keep him horny for a while. I haven’t made him wait very long for a while. Given his current job situation I’ve been taking pity on the poor boy. Maybe it’s time for a longer wait.

Lion just informed me that he’s been waiting five days. Yes, and? Definitely time for a longer wait. I’ll have to consult my schedule, and if he gets a job he gets a bonus orgasm, but aside from that I think he needs at least a ten day wait. I’m sure his heart just sank. Ten days? Nooooooo! You can do it, Lion. You’ve made it longer than that before. Besides, you don’t have much of a choice.

Most anyone who has tried BDSM play, either as a top or bottom, has experienced adult spanking. Just thinking about a session with spanking will make me hard. Thinking about past spankings have the same effect. It isn’t as easy for tops. Most need to “work up” to giving a memorable spanking. Women, in particular, even if they enjoy other sensation play, find spanking challenging.

As some keyholders have discovered, Mrs. Lion in particular, punishing with spanking is difficult even for an experienced sensation player. The reason isn’t too difficult to understand. Disciplinary spanking is intended to physically hurt the target. Session spanking in BDSM certainly hurts too, but the intention is to arouse and provide an exciting experience for the bottom. A disciplinary wife, when she is punishing, not only doesn’t want her husband to be excited, she wants him to hate the experience so much he will change his behavior to avoid another.

Mrs. Lion, who has administered many BDSM spankings to me, finds disciplinary spanking difficult even after months of dispensing them. There is a big difference between providing pain as part of agreed topping and hurting someone to modify behavior.

Part of this is the very nature of punishment. The disciplinary wife has to embrace the fact that she is in charge. While entering into a domestic disciplinary relationship is consensual, the actual discipline isn’t. This is vastly different from consensual BDSM where negotiation and limits are critical. Consent to be punished is not necessary or even desired. The disciplinary wife makes a determination that her disciplined husband requires correction. Without his consultation or permission she decides how she will administer the correction. She can withhold privileges or use corporeal punishment, generally spanking.

Many disciplined husbands like me even suggest spanking as a punishment. We may even get hard thinking about the discipline and get erect when it is about to start. If our disciplining wives administer a serious spanking, the first smack will wilt that erection almost instantly. There is no warmup and no pause between swats to let us recover. The spanking is a series of very hard swats with no erotic component whatsoever. There are no snuggles when it’s done. We may be asked if we have learned our lesson, but no affection. I do get congratulated if I stay still and not tense up, but no more. My spanking is intended to help me remember to do what I am told and do it without complaint.

If the spanking is sincerely administered, it will be feared when threatened. Mrs. Lion has two or three very severe paddles that she uses with a great deal of force. I expect that force to increase and the number of swats to grow. As I learn to manage the spanking, Mrs. Lion will have to make them stronger and longer to sustain the desired effect on my behavior. They will never be fun and I will never do something to provoke one.

That’s not very difficult sounding. But if you are the disciplinary wife, there are serious reasons why spanking is difficult for you. The big one, I think, is that of all punishments, spanking is an unmistakably unwelcome activity for your husband. He may want it the first time, but thereafter, while he may submit, you know he is not your partner in this activity. In fact, even though we all treasure the partnership we have with our husbands and wives, once FLM reaches the point of corporeal punishment, the partnership is clearly limited only to those things the disciplinary wife desires. At any time she can require obedience and administer pain if not followed.

That thought will drive many wives into the potentially crippling internal debate abut whether she is being fair. Does she really want to force him to do something he doesn’t want? He only forgot a rule, isn’t a warning enough? You get the idea. The simple fact is that you will sometimes be unfair. It is possible a warning would have been enough. You might make him angry by punishing him. Just thinking about that could be enough to stop you.

The first disciplinary spanking you administer might be just a handful of swats administered at the high end of your play spanking range. That is how Mrs. Lion has been working her way into punishment. I’ve been grateful for that. My first punishment spankings were somewhat shocking to me. I wasn’t prepared for how much they would hurt and how much I wanted to get away. In fact, for a while I did squirm away and Mrs. Lion let me get away with it. I imagine you might do the same. Disciplinary spanking is much harder to administer and receive than any of us expect.

I truly don’t want a punishment spanking. I’m less afraid of them than I was in the beginning. I think that Mrs. Lion is more comfortable administering them. I expect that as I earn them going forward, she will use more force, speed, and number of swats. I’m hard to bruise and I also don’t tend to feel the effects for long. I expect that as Mrs. Lion becomes even more effective at corporeal punishment, that might change. I’m not asking for that. Oh no! I hate punishment. But I think that we are on the mild end of disciplinary spanking. It’s only natural for Mrs. Lion to become even more effective at it. The benefit for both of us is that as my fear grows, just seeing that look will stop me in my tracks. In case you wondered, that’s a good thing. It’s exactly what I signed up for.

Wednesday night we really needed sleep. We had a long drive ahead of us yesterday and it was important that we not be tired. Of course, as usually happens when I need to sleep, I couldn’t. Neither of us could. Fortunately we made our seven hour drive safely. By last night I figured we had no choice but to sleep. We were unwilling to take a chance and both took sleeping pills. This morning we are feeling better.

Naturally, there was no chance of playing last night. Lion wasn’t horny and I might have fallen asleep on him anyway. We’ve been fairly non-sexual lately. I did grab Mr. Weenie yesterday briefly, just to say hello. It’s difficult to think about sex when you’re exhausted. And, of course, Lion has been preoccupied by his job hunt. We still have our fingers crossed for that particular job, but there is interest from other jobs as well. It’s always nice to be wanted.

I’m fairly confident that Lion will be horny at some point this weekend. It’s hard to keep a good Lion down. By tonight he should at least be looking for some cuddling. I can definitely help with that. I love being close to him whether he’s horny or not.

Even though we were tired, Lion was a good boy. He reminded me that it was punishment night well before the 8:30 deadline. He graciously donated a piece of Velcro to me so I could affix something to the camper. I know how much he loves the tiny, little teeth of the Velcro so that was a big loss for him. (I can hear him saying, “I hate that damn Velcro!”) I knew as soon as I told him I was using it he would ask me if I needed more. I’m surprised he wasn’t volunteering more uses for it just so I wouldn’t use it on him.

This morning he reminded me about maintenance spanking day. He’s been on his best behavior and I’ve been more conscious of telling him he’s a good boy. I know he likes that. It’s still difficult for me to, in my eyes, treat him like a dog. Sure I can thank him. That’s natural. Going that extra step to say, “good boy,” is strange. But I’m getting there. I’ll do anything for Lion.

No word yesterday on the result of Wednesday’s marathon of interviews. I spend way too much time worrying that the fact they didn’t call me instantly means I didn’t get the job. To give you a gauge of my new-found paranoia, on the drive back from the live interviews (several were phone and Skype), I worried that I would find an email informing me that the remaining interviews wouldn’t be necessary since I am clearly unqualified for the job. To my relief that didn’t happen. But it gives you an idea how desperate I have become. Meanwhile, other opportunities are offered to me and should this one not pan out, the world won’t end for us. The end is close, but not balanced on this one job.

There is nothing new on the sexual front. I’m not horny yet. But I am pretty sure that biology will fix that today or tomorrow. Yesterday we drove four-hundred miles to meet some friends on the coast. We were both exhausted after sharing the drive. Even if things were perfect on the job front, we were too tired to put much energy into sexual activity. I did remember to remind Mrs. Lion that it was punishment night. My punishment dance card is empty so my only risk was forgetting to remind her. I escaped spanking-free.

We are both committed to maintaining our lifestyle despite external pressures. We’ve been very good so far but the strain shows. I’ve been wild (unlocked) for over a week now. The earliest I can return to my cage is Monday. That doesn’t change the fact that Mrs. Lion is in charge and she retains full sexual control; cage or no cage. Enforced chastity is a habit with us both. FLM is starting to take root as well. Mrs. Lion struggles with day-to-day decision making but slowly and surely she is taking the reins.

I’ve received some email and comments here asking how someone who doesn’t have a keyholder can practice enforced chastity. I fully understand the drive to try this kink even if it means alone. Some of these people are loyal readers of this blog. I know they understand that one can’t really surrender control to oneself. But they want to feel that loss of sexual control, being forced to grow intolerably horny. I know that some guys work out games that decide if they get unlocked. I don’t have any good ideas, but their plight highlights one of the widest gaps between fantasy and reality: in a true keyholder/caged male relationship, the male strives to surrender. He doesn’t want to escape or cheat. He wants nothing more than to leave his sexuality completely in his keyholder’s hands no matter how difficult.

Our blog is just the wrong forum for solo players. Our goals are exactly opposite. I’ve been unlocked for quite a few days. Nothing has changed. I like being caged, but it isn’t necessary for Mrs. Lion to control my sexuality. It adds spice to the game, but isn’t necessary for my orgasm control. I can’t think of one guy I know who is in an enforced chastity relationship who would even consider escaping his cage. None of us masturbate or get off in any other way without our keyholder’s permission,  even if unlocked. That’s the singular difference between solo enforced chastity and the kind we practice.

Today is another day. I hope I get some good news about that job. If we ever needed good news, this is the time. Thanks for your kind comments and good wishes. They really help.