Enforced Chastity Isn’t Kinky

Enforced Chastity is viewed as a very weird kink by the vanilla media and much of the fetish community. Wearing a device that covers the penis is too much even for most BDSM diehards. It’s ironic that when you deconstruct what we do, the activities would be considered close to mainstream. What? Has the lion lost his little mind? Hang in there. It’s true.

The form of enforced chastity that Mrs. Lion and I practice is definitely kinky at first blush. I wear a cage over my penis that prevents erection and orgasm. I can hear the conventional media saying, “EWWWW!” OK, I admit that wearing a chastity device is not for everyone. But what we actually do has been written about in vanilla sex manuals for over fifty years. The Joy of Sex called it “slow masturbation”. Tie your man to the bed and then edge him over and over. The book claimed this technique was a popular service performed by hookers in Cambodia and Vietnam. Put in different words, it’s orgasm control. Enforced chastity puts a very slight spin on the game. Instead of ending each teasing session with an orgasm, we postpone the orgasm to further heighten the excitement. Does that sound very kinky? No, it sounds sexually adventurous.

In less than two weeks, we will publish our 1,000th post. To celebrate this millennium, we have asked another couple practicing enforced chastity and FLM to write with us. We would like your questions. What would you like to know about enforced chastity and FLM? Ask your question in a comment to this post.

When the vanilla press writes about male chastity it focuses on the hardware, almost always expressing incredulity that a man would permit this to be done to him. How kinky! If we referred to all this as “extended teasing”, even the hardware might be more acceptable. It becomes a sex toy to help extend the teasing further. Now it sounds naughty, but not really kinky. The naughty practice delays the male orgasm to give him greater pleasure when he finally gets it, sometimes using a sex toy to stop him from cheating by masturbating. It also reminds him of the game and makes him even more eager for sex. The vanilla version of the story emphasizes that sooner or later the man will finally get an orgasm. His partner teases him and might even ask him to sexually please her as a way to earn his eventual release. A chastity device is a sex toy that helps extend his arousal and desire for his partner. A vanilla couple could easily play this game whenever they want a little variety. But that doesn’t make very interesting, titillating copy. Locking your husband in a chastity device makes a much better headline.

Of course we don’t help the cause. Enforced chastity isn’t a weekend game for us. It’s the defining characteristic of our sex life. It even colors our lives in other ways. We write about our more advanced form of the game. In our case, we play full time. Maybe that makes us kinky. I think it makes our story more interesting. Let’s face it, the interesting stuff about us has nothing to do with the hardware locked on my genitals. It has to do with how our behavior has changed as a result of our commitment to give Mrs. Lion control over my sexual pleasure. How many vanilla couples also do this. How many wives determine when or if the couple will have sex? How many wives deal harshly with their husbands if they learn he has been masturbating? Most wives disapprove of this extracurricular ejaculation. Of course, unlike us kinky people, the vanilla couples never discuss this practice. It just evolves. Sometimes this unspoken arrangement will drive a couple to marriage counseling or divorce.

Does something get “kinky” if the couples talk about it and make joint decisions on how to do it? Is it vanilla only if unspoken? That appears to be how it is with enforced chastity. That appears to be the case. In sexually repressed societies, usually religious in nature, there is widespread public condemnation of anything but the “approved” reproductive sexual activities. How many members of these communities actually restrict their sex life to procreative intercourse? I would guess that very few actually do. Most are secretly “naughty” and do <gasp!> oral sex and mutual masturbation.

I think that there is an overt or implied power exchange in most sexual activities. When a woman gives oral sex or masturbates a man, she has taken control of his orgasm. She can slow down, speed up, or even stop at will. She can delay or even not allow him to ejaculate. Women frequently report that they feel powerful when giving head. Similarly, the man can delay or prevent his partner’s orgasm when he provides the stimulation. My point is that power exchange is inherent in sexual activity. The difference between what we do and what vanilla couples do is that we have discussed what we are doing and it is consensual. Both partners are in agreement in how sexual power is applied. In our case, Mrs. Lion has accepted that power full time. She exercises it by delaying my ejaculation. Naughty,  yes. Kinky, no.

What do you think?