The End Game

The other day a friend asked me a question that gave me pause. He asked, “Is the result of your surrender that you will become a slave?” It’s fair to ask what goal we have. It implies there is a process we are following that has milestones and an end point. I am pretty sure that Mrs. Lion hasn’t even considered where FLM and enforced chastity is going for us. I haven’t either. The more I think about it, the more certain I am that this isn’t a process at all. There is no ultimate end point for us.

We started with enforced chastity. It was a kink, a game that we played. It was my game and Mrs. Lion played because it made me happy. The game wasn’t to train me to wait longer and longer for an orgasm. It was for me to surrender sexual control, get locked in a chastity device, and get orgasms when Mrs. Lion decides I should have one. That’s it. We discovered that this game had wonderful benefits for our marriage. Enforced chastity helped us solve some sexual problems that bothered us for many years. At the point we realized this, the game turned into a lifestyle. The result: I will wear a chastity device for the rest of my life (just as I wear my wedding ring) and Mrs. Lion will determine what sexual activity I will get. Period. Full stop.

FLM is a bit different. It’s a practical power exchange. Mrs. Lion has decision-making power in our relationship. That implies I will be obedient or suffer punishment. I could see how it makes sense to assume that as the FLM progresses, I end up a slave. There is a flawed assumption behind this conclusion: If I have surrendered power and must be obedient or be punished, I have no power at all and I am nothing more than the property of my lioness.

Consider your children. As they grow up they have to follow rules established for them. They get punished if they don’t obey. As a parent, you make the major decisions and set rules as you see fit. Does that make the kids slaves? In an abusive family it could, but in a normal family, the parents give the kids as much freedom as they can safely handle.

It’s true that in my case it isn’t the same as parent and child. But the basis is the same. As her surrendered husband, Mrs. Lion decides what rules I must obey, she makes major decisions, and she punishes me when she decides it is necessary. Nothing in that implies I have no freedom or personal choice. The limits of my freedom are decided by my lioness. So, just like the parent/child analogy, if she were abusive, or more correctly pushed my consent too far, I could become a virtual slave. But that’s not how she works or what I signed up for.

In practice, I make a lot of decisions for myself and for us. Mrs. Lion is content restricting her authority to a very limited area: my general behavior. I think that will change over time. I am hoping she will make most of the decisions for us, big and small. I am sure that I will retain a lot of control over personal decisions and she will consider my opinion on joint matters. She has no incentive to completely take over my life. The greater incentive is to preserve our partnership within the context of her authority.

What we do has to work 365 days a year. This isn’t a typical, time-bound BDSM power exchange. This is a lifestyle we have elected to lead. It has to make things better for us. It can’t just be a power exchange that satisfies my sexual fantasies. It has to be a full-time lifestyle that rewards us both. We don’t have to get the same thing out of it, but we each have to close our eyes at night believing we are doing something that nurtures us and our relationship.

In case you haven’t heard, today is National Lion Day in the U.S. It really is. I heard about it on CBS Sunday Morning when they did their calendar segment. I suggested to Mrs. Lion that it would be the perfect day to give me an orgasm. She rolled her eyes. It isn’t National Lion Orgasm day, is it?

What do you think?