Please bear with me. I have a migraine today. Actually it has backed up and started over twice already. Typing has not been my forte. Mostly I’m hitting all the wrong keys. But I march on.
I previewed Lion’s post for this morning and I felt stressed. There are so many things he would like to do with FLM. Most of them involve my taking a greater role in everything. I’ve been trying to take a larger role in the finances to take some of the burden off Lion, but finances are not my strong point. I know we would not have held on as long as we have lately if he was not overseeing things. I’ve also found myself getting very annoyed at trying to figure out breakfast every morning. I really liked those weekend mornings that Lion was responsible for it. That may seem like a small thing, but it’s frustrating.
I’m not saying Lion wants me to take absolute control immediately. I do hope he doesn’t want me to take absolute control ever. But the control he wants me to exercise must be done with baby steps. Some days I may not feel like making any decisions. Saturday night I didn’t sleep well. We watched TV until 3:30 in the morning and I was up at 8 because apparently my brain thought that was a good time to be wide awake. For the rest of the day I was feeling horrible. I didn’t want to make any decisions. I didn’t care if we ate lunch or where we went shopping. Today, with the migraine, I’m just trying to make it through the day. Luckily Lion suggested dinner already so that’s one thing off my plate.
I think the most important thing is that I need to take what Lion wants and manage it my own way. Do I even want to do certain things? I have to ease into it. I’m sure he won’t get his ideal, fantasy FLM any more than he’s gotten his ideal, fantasy enforced chastity. And that’s okay. He can’t get everything he wants. And he shouldn’t. If I’m in charge it will work within the framework I set up. I know he knows this. He just gets excited when he thinks about his fantasies. In my fantasies we’ve won the lottery and our biggest problem is people asking for money. At least his fantasies are somewhat attainable.