It Just Takes Time

smoke from chelan wildfire

Here’s what the sky looked like last night at 6PM. The sun is just an orange ball. The white dot is a reflection in the lens, not the moon. Now at 2PM PDT, you can look directly at the sun without hurting your eyes.

Neither one of us was very playful last night. By the time I was ready for Lion, he was no longer ready for me. He hadn’t been very horny anyway. We’ll do better tonight, I’m sure.

Today we are off on some adventure or another. Yesterday we arrived to blue skies. By late afternoon the wind picked up and blew the smoke toward us. This morning the sky is hazy and Lion smells smoke. He’s already planning our retreat. Not from fire. We’re miles away from the fire. He doesn’t want to deal with the smoke. I’m reserving judgment.

It brings up an interesting predicament, though. If Lion wants to leave and I want to stay, who wins? Normally I would decide that listening to him whine about leaving was not worth it and we’d leave. That’s usually why I don’t do things I want to do but Lion doesn’t want to do. Theoretically, in a female led marriage, it shouldn’t matter if he wants to leave, or what music I want to listen to, or who drives. Obviously we aren’t there yet. We’re a very long way off. But every decision puts me one step closer.

Here’s another predicament: Lion loves his TV. He needs it on almost constantly. Sometimes it’s just background noise. Usually he’s actually watching something. I find constant noise distracting, especially when I’m trying to read or write a post. At work I generally have music on in the background, but this is different for two reasons. I like my music and I’m not distracted by the urge to watch the screen. Yes, this is my problem. No, Lion won’t change. I’m not sure I want him to. The issue comes when I need to leave the room to concentrate. Lion likes when I am near him. Leaving is an insult to him, somehow. What I normally do is what I tell him to do: suck it up. But I just left the trailer to go outside, in the not-so-smoky conditions, to finish my post where there is only traffic noise and birds chirping. We’ll need to work out a compromise. Another task for me.

I did have one win yesterday. Lion drove here. We changed roles from the outset. He backed the truck up to the trailer and I hitched it. We’d never tried that before. It’s important we both know how to do each job. It took a few tries but we got it. Once we got to the campsite I did have to back it in. Backing up is always trickier than going forward. It took me a few tries to get it where we wanted it too. Lion just needs more confidence backing up. It can get frustrating. In that respect, it seems like we’re in the same boat. I need more practice making decisions and he needs more practice handling the trailer.

We’ll get it. It just takes time.


What do you think?