Yesterday I wrote about a blogger’s post that said that men don’t need orgasms. My post stimulated some nice conversation. Thank you. Anyway, I started thinking about why that post, in particular, would stimulate me to write about it. Normally I just ignore stuff like that. I think the reason I was so bothered was the prescriptive nature of that post. I know, the Web is full of people telling us what we should do. Mrs. Lion and I still get mail saying that she lets me come too often. “Everyone knows that males should have to wait (fill in the value) between orgasms.” Enforced chastity and FLM seem to trigger a lot of passion, particularly among guys who never tried it.
This same sort of absolutism exists in the BDSM community. “Good subs have to (fill in the activity).” “You aren’t a dom (another bogus Internet label) unless you (fill the activity in here).” It’s all a giant, kinky version of MadLibs. Remember that game? We used to play it at camp and in the car. You play it by giving a list of words, “Give me an adjective. Now a person’s name.” In our version, you provide things like: “Give me a humiliating activity.” or “Describe an activity that is so painful you could never do it.” Then you insert those items into a pre-written story. Try this one:
You can always tell when a guy is truly into enforced chastity when he is forced to wait (insert a number between 6 and infinity) months between orgasms. He also always wears (name of a female undergarment). His keyholder make him give her oral sex at least (number) of times a day.
You get the point. Amazingly, a great deal of what you find on the Web is very much like my kinky MadLibs. Years ago I was on the board of an arts organization that supported artists of all kinds. Meetings were frequently content-free because the artists needed to debate what is and isn’t “art”. The answer, by the way, is that the true definition of art is: Art is anything someone creates and calls art. That’s it. You don’t have to agree. Critics don’t have to review it. Simple. Right?
Enforced chastity has a few minimal requirements, but by and large if a couple says they are practicing it, they are. The same is true of FLM. There is no Association of United Keyholders who establish entrance criteria for “true” keyholders. You don’t get a certificate that proves you are doing enforced chastity correctly.
So, if Mrs. Lion wants me to come every four days, she is practicing enforced chastity as she chooses. The point is that she, not I, decides when I get to come. Both enforced chastity and FLM are consensual power exchanges. Their power derives from the agreement of their submissive partner to permit their domination. How any of this is practiced is decided by the people involved.
In short, if you say you are practicing enforced chastity, then you are. You may not have a partner and you may masturbate ten times a day, but if this is your definition of enforced chastity, then I’m not going to contradict you.
FLM is a little more complicated. There is wide variation between couples on just what this means. In some cases, every decision of consequence is made by the woman. In others, like ours, the woman chooses what areas she wishes to control. Other stuff is either decided jointly or by the male partner. It really doesn’t matter. As long as the people involved feel they have a Female Led Marriage, then they do. Period.
I am completely tired of reading what Mrs. Lion or I should do if we want to have a FLM or practice enforced chastity. We both like getting advice, but just because we share our lives here doesn’t mean we are eager to be told what we are doing wrong. Most of our readers are very supportive. Much of the advice we have been given, we have taken to heart. Because we have over 1,000 posts here doesn’t make us experts in any of this. There are no experts. There are no college degrees in this. It’s like sex; you do what works for you and your partner. Hopefully, you never forget that loving each other is way more important than any kink.
