This is one of those times when it becomes very obvious when what we are doing (enforced chastity and FLM) is sexual play or a real part of our lives. Things are as bad as they have ever been for me. I have to admit that I am depressed and very worried about our ability to survive. This is not what you would expect to find in a blog; at least I wouldn’t. But we have been sharing our lives with you and it seems right to not gloss over realities that affect us so profoundly. Are enforced chastity and FLM kinks to pursue only when life doesn’t intrude so severely? I have been thinking about that a great deal.
It seems to me that whether or not these kinks fit in now depends entirely on how we both think of them. A year ago enforced chastity was something that Mrs. Lion did because it made me happy. Somewhere between then and now, Mrs. Lion decided that enforced chastity is a positive force in our marriage. My attitude toward it has changed as well. It’s much more than a sexual game to me. In the last few months there have been times I was unhappy about orgasm control. Instead of getting that pleasant horny feeling, I just felt grumpy about waiting. Was I being a toddler? Perhaps. Or, were things just getting to be too much and orgasm control became one more way I am blocked from happiness? I always knew that waiting for an orgasm could not be the reason I was feeling so badly. Would ejaculating make things better? Absolutely not! Having so much trouble finding work makes me feel helpless. Is not having any control over my sexuality just adding to that feeling? I am sure it doesn’t.
If enforced chastity was just a kink to me, the decision would be easy. I would want to stop and wait for better times, wouldn’t I? In the past when I was upset for one reason or another, I wouldn’t want to play as a top or a bottom. It just felt like a distraction I didn’t need. I don’t feel that way about enforced chastity. The more I think about it the more I realize it that if we did stop, I would lose interest in sex entirely. Sex would be the least of my concerns in the face of the much more serious things I have to feel badly about. You might wonder if that wouldn’t be a good idea. I did. But the reality is that our evolving poverty actually leaves us more unstructured time. So I can’t claim to be too busy for enforced chastity. I realize that enforced chastity assures that I will not put sex on the back burner. Being depressed won’t take that pleasure away from me. Mrs. Lion won’t permit it.
FLM is a more complicated issue. This is another practice we have begun at my request. In this case, Mrs. Lion has to take on dealing with issues that are new to her. That means at the least, sharing negotiations with creditors, working out strategies to keep going, and making decisions for us that I formerly made. We are very new at this so I continue to make the lion’s share of decisions. She has taken on many day-to-day decisions like menu choices. Even if times were good, this is almost certainly where we would be at this point. To her credit, every time I’ve asked her to help deal with creditors, she does. She enforces her rules with real domestic discipline (spanking for now). We’ve made a start.
So at this point I think that enforced chastity is no longer our kink. It is an important component of our marriage. There would be a real loss to our relationship if we gave it up. It stopped being play a long time ago. FLM, on the other hand, is something we are exploring. Mrs. Lion hasn’t fully bought in, nor have I. Our relationship runs very smoothly without FLM. We have to see how well it fits. If it turns out to be more of a distraction than a benefit, we will probably stop. This isn’t something you expect to read in an enforced chastity / FLM blog, but it is where we are now. Neither enforced chastity nor FLM are play to us. They are serious changes we have made to our relationship. Enforced chastity will stick. The jury’s still out on FLM.