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In: Edging, Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Orgasm denial

Ordinarily I think of myself as an optimistic pessimist. Recently, however, I was told I’m actually a realist. Since I tend to lean toward the glass being half empty, I stand by my optimistic pessimism. The glass is half empty but the waitress may be coming to fill it up at some point. In other words, I may always feel down, but I try not to let it get me down. The past few days I have. We are still in the same dire straits we were in yesterday, but Lion has another interview on Wednesday so things may be looking up again. Life is a roller coaster. I don’t like roller coasters. I’m more of a Tilt-a-Whirl or Scrambler person.

I think we’ve both been pretty exhausted. We seem to sleep at night, but we’re not getting good sleep. Stress will do that to you. I was debating whether or not to play with Lion last night. About 9 I asked for the Lion weather report. He said he thought he was horny. Still, I debated. According to our relationship agreement (if you watch The Big Bang Theory you get the reference) I could have taken last night off since I played with him Thursday night. By 10 he looked so hopeful that I gave in. After I unlocked him and started sucking him he said, “uh oh.” I stopped. Uh oh? He said he forgot to remind me it was maintenance spanking day. Uh oh, indeed! I almost stopped to administer the swats then, but I was otherwise engaged. I told him he had something for his list on Monday and continued.

In less than two weeks, we will publish our 1,000th post. To celebrate this millennium, we have asked another couple practicing enforced chastity and FLM to write with us. We would like your questions. What would you like to know about enforced chastity and FLM? Ask your question in a comment to this post. Just indicate it is a question for the 1,000th post.

Lion loves to be sucked. I think most men do. Many women find it distasteful. I’m not one of them. I love sucking him almost as much as he loves being sucked. When I was done he told me it was perfect, except that I forgot to go all the way. Did I? No, I don’t think I did. I think I went all the way to the edge quite a few times. He laughed. I reminded him that Thursday night, when I offered to let him come if he wanted to eat it, he told me sometimes it’s nice to wait. Well, my pet, you don’t get to choose how long that wait is. One more day? Two more days? A week? You roll the dice and take your chances.

Part of me still wonders if it’s better for him to know the exact date of his next orgasm. Even if I said it was next Tuesday, I still have the power to give it to him Monday or Thursday. He could never be sure. Part of me thinks it’s better that he always think tonight’s the night. This time she’ll keep going. This is definitely it. Damn! I do know that I’m more likely to cheat and give him an unscheduled orgasm. I knew I would. But I did that when he knew the date anyway. Keep him guessing. Maybe tonight really is the night. We’ll see.

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In: Femdom, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal

The other day on social media I had a chat with a dominant woman whose partner was unwilling to wear a chastity device. I have been thinking about the role of the device in enforced chastity and female domination in general. Clearly the device is a fetish unto itself, however, it facilitates the key dominant sexual activity: orgasm control. I offered her some suggestions on how to gently introduce it into her relationship.

I enjoy reading blogs about enforced chastity. A surprisingly large majority of these blogs discuss chastity device wear as, at best, a part time thing. I’m not saying that a guy has to remain in his device 24/7/365, but I thought that most of us do. Apparently in most cases the device is worn when the keyholder wants physical assurance of her orgasm control, or just decides he should wear it as a demonstration of her dominance. Is this confirmation of the fetish value of the chastity device or is it a tool only to be used as needed?

My chastity device remains locked on 24/7. It only comes off when Mrs. Lion wants to give me sexual attention or when wearing it causes a problem, like when we travel in the RV or I go to the doctor and he will want my pants down. For us, the device has taken a special place in our marriage. It is now like our wedding rings, a constant reminder of our commitment, in this case to orgasm control. Not wearing a device full time does not imply less of a commitment. It just means that orgasm control is practiced without the physical kink. In fact, one partner or both may find the idea of a chastity device undesirable. Diff’rent strokes.

The more I read and the more I live it, I realize that enforced chastity is a very good way to practice female domination. Many men have wanted female control, but the only model they knew was dungeon-based dominatrix stories and videos. I think it’s fair to say that most women who would enjoy taking the reins, probably don’t want to wear black tights and carry a bullwhip.  Orgasm control has appeal to both men and women. Many men have fantasies about their partners taking control of orgasms, and many women enjoy the feeling of control and power it brings.

Even if your guy hasn’t expressed any interest in sexual control, you can test the waters. Try masturbating him to the edge of orgasm and stopping. You know, edge him. See how he reacts. Does he get a little angry? Is he surprised and happy? Is he puzzled? Regardless of his response, fondle his balls or thighs. Wait until he has settled down and start again. This time when he is getting close, ask if he wants to come. He will say, yes of course. Keep going but stop at the edge. Smile and say, “No, not this time.” Chances are very good he will get into the game. Edge him at least one more time. Finally ask him again and if he says, “Yes,” either finish him off or tell him, “Next time.”

Very few men will soon forget this experience. Resist the urge to discuss it with him. If he mentions it, just smile. The next step is a bit more difficult. Next time he is interested in sex, you need to repeat the edging experience. He may initiate foreplay, but you should gently take control and get him on his back. Repeat the earlier experience. By this time you may be pretty aroused yourself. After you are done edging, tell him how hot it made him and tell him that you would like to feel his tongue. He may need a bit of convincing, but you can persuade him.

What you are doing is introducing male orgasm control. Unless he is a neanderthal, he will enjoy this new game. Every so often, you can let him take the lead and have intercourse. Ask him to let you know if he is close. Tell him you may want him to stop and wait. After the multiple edging sessions that won’t seem an odd request. When he gets close and tells you. Stop and tell him to withdraw. Congratulate him for doing this. After a minute or two, ask him if he wants more. Tell him you will want him to stop before he comes. If he asks why, tell him you love giving him the orgasm when you are ready. Smile sweetly.

There will be times that this won’t work. He may rebel. He may come when you don’t want him to. It doesn’t matter. Just keep going. After you have been doing this a week or two, ask him to stop masturbating. Tell him you want to give him all his orgasms. I think you will be surprised how happy most men will be to agree and obey. After a while, you can open the conversation about a chastity device. He may find the idea hot. If  not, don’t be concerned. You still own his orgasms. And, once you own a male’s orgasms you own him.