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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment, Spanking

The past few days have been challenging. I haven’t been feeling well and both of us have been tired. When I’m tired, I tend to take things to the extreme. Lion wrote a post about not being sure if FLM would stick for us and I took that to mean he wanted to stop. I read the post three times and finally, on the third try, understood what he was really saying. I encountered some problems at work and was sure things were so screwed up there was no way to fix them. Fresh eyes today prove things aren’t so bad. I have a twisted sense of humor. When I’m tired it gets more twisted. Actually it can get nasty. So I’m trying to figure out how to deal with being tired all the time and with being in financial trouble still.

Of course, on top of all of it, I am dealing with Lion and chastity and female led marriage. How do I do it? The answer is I can’t. Or, more correctly, I don’t. We haven’t played in a few days. Monday night’s failed punishment attempt is the last time we really did anything. We tried Tuesday night but neither of us were into it. There’s got to be a way to snap out of it. Eventually Lion will get a job. Or he won’t. In either case, life goes on. We need to suck it up.

Regardless of what happens Friday with Lion’s job hunt, the weekend is upon us. I need to do some manscaping and he will be played with. I won’t promise sling time or restraints, but we have to do something to get back in the swing of things. Maybe some fun spanking or anal play. Something. We need to break the monotony of recruiters calling, interviews, and waiting to hear. Yes, we’ve gone away and that does break things up, but when we’re home we’re just waiting.

I don’t do well waiting. One year I bought Lion’s birthday present in August and had to give it to him because I was too excited to wait. Then I bought his Christmas present near his birthday and had to give it to him because I couldn’t wait. I guess I should be happy to wait for job news because until we hear we can still keep our hopes up. I’d much rather hear and move on. Yes? Great! No? Now what? Let’s move on. There’s too much resting on the outcome to be comfortable waiting.

Tonight is punishment night again. Depending on our moods, I’ll finish Lion’s punishment from Monday and add some swats for making me stop in mid-punishment. I understand why he needed me to stop, but that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences. He could have explained his situation before I started. I probably would have postponed the spanking until today when he could handle it better. I’m not unreasonable. I might have told him he needed to take a certain number of swats and defer the rest. The point is, we had options. We always have options. We just need to communicate.

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In: Body Hair Removal, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity
lion's excess pubic hair
As you can see, the dog isn’t the only critter who needs grooming. Mrs. Lion plans to remove the excess hair this weekend.

If the recruiter is to be believed, I only have one more day to wait to get the news on the job I have the most hope of getting. I hate to say it, but there is no plan B. It’s not the way I like to operate. Stay tuned. Today I take the dog for a bath. This will help my allergies. I’m pretty sure she will hate it. However, I will take her toy shopping afterward. That will dim the memory of all that attention from the groomers. As you can see from the image on the right, it’s been some time since my last grooming session. Mrs. Lion uses an epilator to remove most of the hair. While a bit painful, the results last longer and when the hair grows in, it’s much finer and some never comes back as you can see in the image. Sometimes she takes pity on me and teases me during the grooming session.

I want to stress that pubic hair removal is not required for enforced chastity or FLM. I’ve been hairless for decades; long before considering enforced chastity. Of course, there is an advantage to losing that hair: there isn’t any to get caught in the chastity device. It also makes staying clean a little easier. Some people associate pubic hair with power. If you have it, you have power. If you don’t, you are submissive. That might have been true in 1975, but over the last 40 years, shaved male pubes have become more fashionable. Many men groom body hair of all sorts. I do trim the underarm hair as well. Mrs. Lion keeps my butt hairless. I do tend to get very furry back there.

In the vanilla world, all this shaving and trimming has no power implications. A lot of guys think they look better without all that fur. I’ve felt that way since long before I even knew there was such a thing as D/S. People who write about enforced chastity on the various forums have endless posts about pubic hair. Oddly, almost no one mentions other body hair. In D/S, many bottoms remove all body hair as a sign of submission. This practice apparently hasn’t had wide acceptance in the enforced chastity world. Good thing. What a lot of extra work!

I think it is interesting that many, including me, see some relationship between hair and power. In my case, it isn’t a strong one. But I have always liked that Mrs. Lion has pubic hair and I don’t. It makes me feel more vulnerable. That feeling of vulnerability is one thing I like about our male chastity power exchange. Many of the things that Mrs. Lion initially feels are too much end up increasing that vulnerable feeling as well. I like that. It is exciting to me. It explains why I get that little rush when Mrs. Lion tells me I will be punished. It makes me feel vulnerable to her power. That, not the spanking, turns me on. It’s also why being groomed is exciting too.

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In: Mrs Lion Comments

I thought I slept okay last night. I guess not since I’m already falling asleep at work. Eventually I’ll get a second wind. Of course, it would be much better to actually get sleep at night. Being tired makes me less inclined to want to play with Lion. He’s been less inclined to play anyway with all the stress he’s been under. We’re hoping he’ll hear good news on Friday. Yes, we were hoping for that good news last Friday or even Monday. These companies have a way of dragging things out. They don’t realize the havoc that waiting wreaks.

We didn’t play much last night. Lion reported being moderately horny yesterday, but he wasn’t really in the mood to play. Despite saying he should have to be ready for me, I didn’t push the issue. Sometimes stuff happens. I had headaches last week. He’s been stressed. We’re both tired. As much as we try to make it a priority, sex is not at the forefront. Money, or lack thereof, is. Boring. I know. It’s difficult to get excited about sex when you’re expending a huge amount of effort just putting one foot in front of the other. And Lion has been under attack from allergies. The last thing I want to do is brush the dog and vacuum when I get home, but in order to make life bearable for Lion, that’s what I have to do.

Lion wrote about chastity being a solid part of our lives now. It’s definitely not going away. Female led marriage? I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. I know I haven’t gotten very far with it. Why would I want to stop now? If anything, I should be taking more control. It might take some of the pressure off of Lion. As far as the punishment part is concerned, I haven’t decided if he needs to be punished right now. Life is punishing enough. Do I really need to add to it?

I did not do any swats last night. I can do them tonight if I want to. I can do them any time. I still owe him a few punishment swats from when he moved the other day. But If I’m suspending punishment for now, he may not get them. We didn’t talk much about it last night. We took some down time. We’ll get it sorted out soon. Hopefully before we get some good news on the job front.

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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

This is one of those times when it becomes very obvious when what we are doing (enforced chastity and FLM) is sexual play or a real part of our lives. Things are as bad as they have ever been for me. I have to admit that I am depressed and very worried about our ability to survive. This is not what you would expect to find in a blog; at least I wouldn’t. But we have been sharing our lives with you and it seems right to not gloss over realities that affect us so profoundly. Are enforced chastity and FLM kinks to pursue only when life doesn’t intrude so severely? I have been thinking about that a great deal.

It seems to me that whether or not these kinks fit in now depends entirely on how we both think of them. A year ago enforced chastity was something that Mrs. Lion did because it made me happy. Somewhere between then and now, Mrs. Lion decided that enforced chastity is a positive force in our marriage. My attitude toward it has changed as well. It’s much more than a sexual game to me.  In the last few months  there have been times I was unhappy about orgasm control. Instead of getting that pleasant horny feeling, I just felt grumpy about waiting. Was I being  a toddler? Perhaps. Or, were things just getting to be too much and orgasm control became one more way I am blocked from happiness? I always knew that waiting for an orgasm could not be the reason I was feeling so badly. Would ejaculating make things better? Absolutely not! Having so much trouble finding work makes me feel helpless. Is not having any control over my sexuality just adding to that feeling? I am sure it doesn’t.

If enforced chastity was just a kink to me, the decision would be easy. I would want to stop and wait for better times, wouldn’t I? In the past when I was upset for one reason or another, I wouldn’t want to play as a top or a bottom. It just felt like a distraction I didn’t need. I don’t feel that way about enforced chastity. The more I think about it the more I realize it that if we did stop, I would lose interest in sex entirely. Sex would be the least of my concerns in the face of the much more serious things I have to feel badly about. You might wonder if that wouldn’t be a good idea. I did. But the reality is that our evolving poverty actually leaves us more unstructured time. So I can’t claim to be too busy for enforced chastity. I realize that enforced chastity assures that I will not put sex on the back burner. Being depressed won’t take that pleasure away from me. Mrs. Lion won’t permit it.

FLM is a more complicated issue. This is another practice we have begun at my request. In this case, Mrs. Lion has to take on dealing with issues that are new to her. That means at the least, sharing negotiations with creditors, working out strategies to keep going, and making decisions for us that I formerly made. We are very new at this so I continue to make the lion’s share of decisions. She has taken on many day-to-day decisions like menu choices. Even if times were good, this is almost certainly where we would be at this point. To her credit, every time I’ve asked her to help deal with creditors, she does. She enforces her rules with real domestic discipline (spanking for now).  We’ve made a start.

So at this point I think that enforced chastity is no longer our kink. It is an important component of our marriage. There would be a real loss to our relationship if we gave it up. It stopped being play a long time ago. FLM, on the other hand, is something we are exploring. Mrs. Lion hasn’t fully bought in, nor have I. Our relationship runs very smoothly without FLM. We have to see how well it fits. If it turns out to be more of a distraction than a benefit, we will probably stop. This isn’t something you  expect to read in an enforced chastity / FLM blog, but it is where we are now. Neither enforced chastity nor FLM are play to us. They are serious changes we have made to our relationship. Enforced chastity will stick. The jury’s still out on FLM.