I know that Mrs. Lion got into enforced chastity and FLM to make me happy. On her own, she would have never even considered locking my penis in a chastity device or taking control of our relationship. Like most other caged males, I had a fantasy where Mrs. Lion took control of my sexuality. I would wear a chastity device all the time except when she wanted use of my penis. She would make rules and punish me if I break them. When I told her about this, she agreed to try. Now over 20 months later she has gotten quite good at it.
Still, as evidenced by her post yesterday, she feels that she isn’t meeting my expectations. These feelings come up when I talk about how I think she should feel about being my keyholder / disciplining wife. I want her to feel the rush of power when she sees me locked in my cage or makes my butt red with her paddle. I think she should feel the thrill of power every time there is evidence of her control over me. I should know better. I was a full time dominant for a decade. My submissive expected me to find endless amusement and joy in her submission. I didn’t. Some of it was truly fun. Other times I enjoyed the feeling of control, but mostly I just wanted to live my life and have a satisfying relationship with her. And I started out with a strong desire for BDSM. Mrs. Lion came into our power exchange with no prior interest. This doesn’t sound like a combination that would succeed.
The fact that it works for us is a tribute to Mrs. Lion’s love and devotion to me. She’s done an amazing job as my keyholder and disciplining wife, yet still feels she isn’t doing a very good job. There is a key fact about BDSM that I never mentioned to Mrs. Lion. It’s something I don’t like to think about because it tends to ruin the fun. The secret is that BDSM has a large element of theater. It’s no accident that BDSM sessions are called “scenes”. I’m not suggesting that Mrs. Lion has to perfect her acting as the sadistic Nazi prison camp commandant. I’m not sure I want to suggest anything specific to her at all.
The actual difference between what a bottom expects a top to feel and what she actually feels isn’t great, but it is significant. A bottom wants appreciation for submission and humiliation. He wants to know that the top is enjoying his suffering. Some bottoms like to be objectified: treated like objects or pets instead of humans. Professional dominatrices understand these needs. They get paid to dress up in black tights and long, high boots. They understand the fantasies of their clients and cater to them. I’m not suggesting that Mrs. Lion and other keyholders become dominant cartoons. That isn’t the point at all.
The point is that both keyholder/disciplining wife and disciplined/caged male must understand that their individual perceptions of their power exchange is different. I can’t expect Mrs. Lion to experience a thrill of power every time she thinks about being my keyholder. She might consider that sometimes in the context of the power exchange I don’t always want to hear the objective truth. I may want to hear what I hope her reaction is. But more important than that, she has to know that her success as my keyholder and disciplining wife has nothing at all to do with how it makes her feel to assume the role. It is all about how she sees her success at topping me. If she feels good about what she is doing and likes how I respond, she is a success. How that makes her feel is completely up to her and has nothing to do with my expectations.