Every so often I am startled by how long we have been practicing enforced chastity. Over the years we have been together, sustaining new things we try has been unlikely at best. I’m generally the one who makes the suggestion. Mrs. Lion generally agrees to give it a try. Over a month or so we do it. Then, the action tapers off and stops. This was the case with rules for me. For a while the kitchen paddle gathered no dust. Each time I dropped ice cubes (the demonic ice maker spews them out and I get blamed), the paddle swatted my vulnerable butt. You get the idea. I have a bright idea and we try it. After a short while we stop.
The reason we have such a poor track record is that the suggested activity represented a sexual fantasy of mine. In my fantasy, Mrs. Lion enjoys her role. I imagine that I have found her something she will enjoy. I imagine she will love it and it will change us forever. This is truly foolish of me. Had I given deeper thought to my ideas, particularly topping me, I would have realized that she is not a top by nature. At best, she would humor me because she knew I got off by being topped. After a while I got the point. When I rediscovered chastity devices late in 2013, I realized that my lioness wouldn’t be turned on by locking my cock. But, I reasoned, enforced chastity doesn’t require her to do more than lock me up and occasionally unlock me for a hand job so it wouldn’t be enough trouble for her to quickly stop.
I was wrong about Mrs. Lion’s role. As my keyholder she had to tease me regularly or I would lose interest in release. She had to decide when to give me an orgasm, and she had to put up with all the new ideas that being caged inspired me to try. Even so, this time it was different. Mrs. Lion stuck with it. She considered my suggestions, tried many and adopted some. But she didn’t quit. Here we are 20 months later and there is no end in sight. Why did it work this time?
The answer is straightforward. We communicated regularly and resolved issues as they came up. Obvious, right? Yes and no. Enforced chastity is about sex. It’s not easy for us to discuss deep, dark desires and difficulties. We don’t want to hurt one another. Expressing unfulfilled needs and desires carries the risk of making the other feel inadequate and sad. We never wanted that to happen, so we kept quiet. But not this time.
I decided that I wanted to keep a record of my experiences as a caged male. I wanted to share the knowledge I gained from three decades of BDSM practice and teaching. So I started this blog. It never occurred to me that the blog would be a tool Mrs. Lion and I could use to communicate. In the beginning just I posted. Then I asked someone who wrote some interesting forum posts, a woman who identified herself as dominant, to write as well. From the beginning I wanted to post daily and create a living diary of my enforced chastity experiences. The original keyholder contributor didn’t work out. She removed her posts and quit. All along, Mrs. Lion had been reading the blog. I asked her if she would post too. She agreed. She’s been writing daily ever since.
Our posts not only reflected our experiences but our reactions to each other’s ideas. Sometimes the posts were a conversation. We were providing instant feedback about our enforced chastity experience. When things got difficult, instead of quitting, we wrote about what bothered us. If I felt neglected, she would read about it in the blog. If she felt that I was putting too much pressure on her to have orgasms, I learned it here first. Our daily, online conversations helped us make course corrections and affirmed our commitment to enforced chastity and later to FLM.
One of the most frequent comments we get is that I am very lucky to have such a great keyholder. It’s absolutely true; I am very lucky. It didn’t start out that way. Thanks to our writing daily posts, we both learned and adapted. We no longer assume what the other wants and feels; we know. In over half a million words we have been composing daily love letters to one another and affirmed this kink which has turned out to be one of the best things we have ever done.