Sometimes I get confused with the distinctions between enforced chastity, domestic discipline, and FLM. All three refer to a power exchange. Enforced chastity points to sexual submission. In the strictest sense, it only covers control of male arousal and orgasm. No other control is implied. However, in many cases the power exchange goes further. It can extend to providing sexual pleasure for the keyholder. The male’s eventual release can depend on how well and how often he provides his partner with orgasms. In other cases release depends on obedience and behavior. I think we can agree that in enforced chastity, many couples make eventual release dependent on other things the male is expected to do to earn his orgasm. So I will suggest that even if there are behavioral rules beyond just withholding orgasm, enforced chastity still applies as long as the punishments and rewards are done using the delay or advance of the male’s orgasm.
Of course it’s rarely this simple. From the beginning when Mrs. Lion and I started enforced chastity, it included surrender of my sexual pleasure as well as rules that are enforced with spanking or other forms of punishment. I think in our case we were practicing a combination of enforced chastity and domestic discipline. Is this important? Not at first, but now that we have expanded our power exchange we may need to more carefully consider these definitions. We decided, well actually I requested, that we expand to a Female Led Marriage as a way of expanding my surrender. We took this to mean that Mrs. Lion would make many of the decisions I made alone or we made as a couple. I think this is a fair description of FLM. I don’t think there is any implied discipline in FLM, just control of the marriage.
That leaves domestic discipline. My take on it is that in addition to being in charge, the disciplining spouse (in my case Mrs. Lion) uses punishment to assert power. The nature of the punishments varies widely, but all are not “funishments”; they are real, unpleasant retribution for displeasing the disciplining spouse. This sounds like a variant of FLM. The fact is that the widest use of domestic discipline is in the context of a male-led marriage. Some religious groups consider old fashioned male run households with domestic discipline for erring wives a requirement. Domestic discipline originated as a way for these groups to refer to punishing wives to keep them in line. Of course, in our case, domestic discipline refers to keeping males in line. The religious groups don’t need a term for a male-led marriage; it’s the only kind they accept. Female led marriages are unusual enough to require us a way to distinguish them from the norm.
I think, as usual on the Internet, defining labels causes a lot of trouble. People tend to get very emotional over their definitions. I’m not trying to change anyone’s impression of what these things are. In our case, we agreed to FLM with domestic discipline If we go by the male-led use of the term, I think a Female Led Marriage is a required precondition for domestic discipline. The reason I went through all this is because it’s clear that our version of FLM is not typical. At least at present I still make financial decisions and Mrs. Lion relies on me to make a lot of day-to-day decisions as well. This is comfortable for us both. Should she make an effort to take this over? In a classic FLM, the wife would make the vast majority of the decisions. Well, we’re not classic. So what! However, then we have to define the boundaries of what we are doing.
At present, Mrs. Lion has some rules that I must obey. I have to wait for her to eat before I can. I am not supposed to interrupt her, and if there are others they don’t come to mind now. She is reluctant to punish me if I just annoy her. Occasionally she does, but only after thinking about it a long time and writing a post mentioning it. I understand that she is concerned about over reacting or letting her anger run away with her. I don’t think that is a real problem. I think it would be better for both of us if she overdoes the punishing for a while. I think she needs to get comfortable that she is entitled to get her own way and that if I upset her for any reason, it should be pointed out to me in a painful way. I think it is the only way we will both learn. I also think I should be asking for permission more. The only way I will learn that is for her to redden my butt when I act independently…at least for a while.
I realize that I don’t have any serious behavioral problems. I am a responsible adult with no addictions or dangerous bad habits. That’s not the point. I do things that bother my lioness. She is way too slow to let me know when I do one of them. I’ve thought about this for a while. I believe that by being much more strict and prescriptive Mrs. Lion will further increase our closeness. Every overlooked issue puts distance between us. I realize that I will not be happy when I get those painful punishments. I also understand that this is a behavioral change for Mrs. Lion that won’t be easy or comfortable at first. I just think that to get centered we need to over correct in the direction of strict discipline even for small things in order to find the center that will make us both happier.