It’s easy when reading our blog to assume that enforced chastity and FLM are the centerpieces of our relationship. After all, it’s what we have written well over half a million words about here. In fact, enforced chastity and FLM don’t even make the top five things in our lives. They are the subject of this blog so naturally that’s where we focus. I think it’s useful to step back for a bit and offer some perspective on how we integrate these activities with our lives.
Obviously, enforced chastity is a factor in our sex life. I have surrendered control of any sex I experience to Mrs. Lion. She in turn has used that control. So it’s fair to say that enforced chastity is the single most significant part of our physical sexual relationship. But it isn’t the only part. Mrs. Lion takes my feelings and needs into account and doesn’t rule with an iron fist. She feels free to take my orgasms when not scheduled if the mood strikes. She also feels free to extend my wait if she wants. It’s important to remember that while I wear my cage over 95% of the time, actual activities rarely use more than an hour a day. I don’t really think about the fact I am wearing the device most of the time. It does come to mind when I have to adjust because of a little pinch, when I have to pee, and when my mind drifts to my frustration at being horny with no relief in sight. All of that probably adds up to less than another hour a day.
FLM currently consumes almost none of our time. We have very few rules and observing infractions is not a big effort for Mrs. Lion. Remembering to remind her of punishment and maintenance days requires only a few minutes of my time each day. Punishment or maintenance spankings occupy a few minutes four times a week. Expanding FLM into finance and other areas of our lives will occupy more time for one or both of us, but I don’t think those activities should be tracked. One or both of us have to do all that stuff anyway. The only change is in who does it. Of course, there is an additional burden on Mrs. Lion to verify I have done what I should, but again, that is not very time consuming at all.
One of the misconceptions I frequently see is that these power exchanges represent an all-consuming lifestyle that dominates the participants’ lives. Many male fantasies are responsible for propagating this notion. Of course, when we first started these activities I admit that I spent a lot of time thinking about what we are doing and getting aroused in the process. As time passed and the novelty wore off, the time spent daydreaming and fantasizing declined. Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, spends time thinking about how to better manage the power exchanges and little time in sexual fantasy.
So, if you are contemplating enforced chastity and/or FLM (Female led marriage), bear in mind that while the fantasies are arousing, the reality represents rather small changes in your day-to-day lives. I think more people would be willing to be keyholders if they understand the actual time and energy investment required. Since most enforced chastity and FLM power exchanges are initiated by the submissive partner, they generally describe what they want in terms of fantasies that require way too much time and energy from the dominant partner.
One other area that frequently gets overstated is the intensity of the activities. Male fantasies tend to be much more extreme than the reality. So, when presenting the concept of the power exchange, if the initiator presents the fantasy, he will probably scare the potential keyholder away. The more desperately the potential caged male is to experience enforced chastity, the more likely his presentation to potential keyholders will be much more extreme than what most of us actually experience.
The moral of this story is that if you are a male who wants to be caged, build a realistic picture of how you want things to start before you talk to potential keyholders. Think of it from the keyholder’s perspective: What would the keyholder feel comfortable doing in the beginning. File that fantasy away until you have a keyholder and you both are ready to share.