Mrs. Lion didn’t get into enforced chastity and FLM with an instruction manual on how to be dominant. Of course there are tons of web sites just chock full of what a keyholder should do. Very little of that information is even remotely close to the truth. Mrs. Lion has been taking her cues from me. This has been pretty successful to date. However, the idea was only to give her a starting point and not a road map on how to tame her lion. Clearly, if I establish how she as my keyholder and disciplining wife should dominate me, I’m a behind-the-scenes top. She, of course, knows this. The problem is that patterns have been established that may be hard to change.
For example, she takes cues from me on when I get to come. If I am particularly horny and ask nicely, I am very likely to get an orgasm whether or not it is my release date. Of course Mrs. Lion is always free to give me a bonus orgasm. But should my need be a factor? I don’t think so. It should come from her. (Changing into my teaching hat) For training purposes I would think that bonus orgasms should be a reward. (back to my role as disciplined husband / caged male) I would hope that my need or lack of it would not be a factor. The same is true of teasing. Just because I am not in the mood, should that stop her? I don’t think so.
The point is that, at least until the patterns are firmly established in her mind, decisions regarding sexual activities for me should be independent of my interest or lack of it. This is very difficult for any top. One of the most difficult things for me to learn when I was a top was to divorce my actions from what my bottom wants. That doesn’t mean I expect Mrs. Lion to be totally blind to my needs and wants. She is my wife and loves me. She could never do that. But as my keyholder and disciplining wife, she needs to learn to be arbitrary and in sexual matters at least, ignore my needs. This is way harder to do than it seems. The purpose of this suggestion is to shift her thinking about sex away from me an toward her.
This is particularly hard for Mrs. Lion. Her libido is still asleep so any sexual activity is purely for my benefit. It’s true that she loves giving me orgasms. So, if she were purely selfish, I would be coming very frequently. She knows she has to temper that with the realities of lion taming. Poor lioness.
One of the biggest challenges Mrs. Lion faces is being able to say no to me. If she is generally agreeable to all I want, then she is generally indulging me. That doesn’t mean she should arbitrarily refuse my every request. Our marriage would get into logistical hell if she did that. But if she is aware of the need to train me for obedience she can selectively say no where she would normally say yes. She can also make her “yes” conditional. For example, when I asked if we could go see “The Intern” and she wanted to let me, she could have made it a reward for past behavior, or hold it out until I did something she wanted. So, instead of just saying, “Yes, we can do that.” She could have said, “You have been a good boy and cooked lots of meals. You deserve a treat. We can go” Functionally, it’s the same result. But in my mind, being able to go to the movies was tied to good behavior.
I can’t suggest when a “no” is the best idea. I can only suggest that Mrs. Lion consider the idea that she is training me in obedience and to do that requires her to teach me that I can’t expect to get everything I want; just some of what I want. Maybe we need to discuss requests I make in this light to help us both learn how to use no to the best advantage. Mrs. Lion is loving and kind. I am incredibly lucky that she loves me and wants me to be happy. I am not trying to change that and turn her into a mean and arbitrary woman. I want her to feel entitled to refuse me when she wishes and not worry that she is hurting me.