Losing Focus

Nothing has actually changed. At least not in terms of wearing the chastity device and regular teasing. Mrs. Lion is careful to tease me almost every day. I’m edged and locked up again, just the way we have always done it. Maybe it’s all in my mind. It could be just me, but it feels like we are just doing this stuff because it’s what we do. Maintenance spankings have all but disappeared. It isn’t intentional. I remind Mrs. Lion on the appropriate days in my first email of the morning. But by the time we have had dinner, showered, and settled it, it just doesn’t come up. Punishment nights come and go. No spanking then because there are no offenses to punish. Anal play has also stopped for more than a week.

I’m not criticizing Mrs. Lion. I could, after all, in my very unsubtle way, remind her. But I don’t. We are falling into a pattern that doesn’t seem to include enforced chastity and domestic discipline. It’s true that we can be tired after a day of work. I certainly am. However, if we didn’t let major financial and emotional upheaval stop us, why would things change now? One reason we established a regular routine was to combat this sort of inertia. I’m falling into this pattern as much as Mrs. Lion. It isn’t that either of us is busy in the evening. Mrs. Lion is playing games on her iPad and reading Facebook. I’m watching TV, Web surfing and, vegging out.

Since Mrs. Lion is edging me, or at least teasing me, almost every night, I can’t complain that she isn’t doing what she promised. She isn’t negligent. I think she is not very focused either. When she brings out the key to my cage I’m not feeling that little rush. It feels a bit routine. I’ve been thinking about this for a few days. It could all be me. Mrs. Lion isn’t famous for following through with anal plans. Her track record observing and punishing offenses, by her own description, isn’t very good. It’s been like that a long time. She does punish me for things that annoy her like interrupting or obviously breaking a rule like eating before her. She resolved when I started work again that she would be stricter, more observant, and continue my anal training. That hasn’t happened.

It isn’t that she is doing something wrong. I’m not complaining. I get a lot more attention than most caged males. My concern is that she is withdrawing this way for a reason: she’s worried about something, she’s angry at me, or she’s tired and it’s just easier to withdraw. An alternative explanation is that I’m just being oversensitive and too observant of small things that I am making into big problems. I’ve been known to do that as well. I have to admit that my reaction to my perception of what I think is Mrs. Lion’s withdrawal has been indifference. That’s not a good sign. I’m still feeling worried and depressed. It has nothing to do with Mrs. Lion or enforced chastity. I’m sure of that. I’m just not sure what is behind it now that I am working. I’m not sure I should be writing any of this in the first place. If you read this post it means I didn’t just file it in my “drafts” folder.

A good reason to just file this away is that it could hurt Mrs. Lion’s feelings and make her believe she doesn’t make me happy. For the record, she means everything to me and even if she started shoving things up my ass, spanking me, and doing huge buildups to edging me, I am pretty sure I wouldn’t feel any happier. In the really important ways she makes me happier than I have ever been in my life. I just love being in the same room with her. We hold hands all the time. I love that. I can tell her anything. She takes great care of me. I am very lucky and I know it! So, if it is all in my head, well then I have to wait and see if now that things are looking up, the sun will finally come out. If not, Mrs. Lion will help me see the light.

One comment on “Losing Focus
  1. Seeking says:

    Trust me….. you are quite lucky. And thank you for your openness.

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