Enforced chastity, FLM, domestic discipline, and submission are perverted. They are because they bend the expected norms. I have no problem with that label. It’s correct. What we do is an object of curiosity for outsiders. “They do that?” Yup, we do. I think that what people see is only a small part of the story. Mrs. Lion, for example, finds it hard to understand that I want her to give me pain, not the fun kind that she knows I like, but the distinctly unpleasant kind associated with punishment.
There is a misunderstanding about this. I don’t want to be hurt just because I want pain. I don’t want the kind of pain I get when Mrs. Lion spanks me for discipline. It isn’t about the fact I ask her to do this. Actually, I’m not asking her to give me pain at all. I’m asking her to discipline me. She chooses painful spanking as her go-to punishment. I’m fine with that. But it isn’t about the spanking. It’s about the fact that she is in control and can make me cry when she wants to discipline me. If I liked pain, a masochist likes to feel pain, then the painful spanking would be a reward and not a punishment. That’s why an effective punishment for a masochist has to be something that doesn’t give him pleasure. Obviously, spanking won’t work.
The other side of this is that she can also give me pleasure. Of course, much of the pleasure I get ends with frustration because the happy ending is omitted most of the time. She likes to watch me buck, desperately trying to get over the top and ejaculate. It doesn’t work, of course. Making me so massively frustrated is what I asked her to do, just as I asked her to punish me as needed.
The misunderstanding is mistaking the process, spanking for example, with the goal. If you think that I am requesting spanking because I want pain, then you are missing the point. I want the punishment because it makes me feel Mrs. Lion’s authority. The method of communication is painful spanking or other punishments. The same is true of sex. I am not asking Mrs. Lion to frustrate me; I am asking her to control me sexually. The best way to demonstrate that control is to arouse and frustrate me at her whim; communicate her control by enjoying my desperate efforts to ejaculate.
Enforced chastity and FLM are both about control. While giving rewards and saying “yes” are both evidence of control, they are very easy to interpret as not being in control. I think that is a failing of mine. I feel controlled when I am denied. Making me wait for an orgasm, teasing me over and over and then leaving me frustrated, and making rules and severely disciplining for every breach, all send me an unmistakable message that I am not in control. The perverted, or as Mrs. Lion says, crazy part of me craves this.
Does that mean I like pain. Well, maybe it does because feeling it sends a very strong message that I am not in control. If I were in control, I would stop the pain when it got intense. But I can’t stop it, and no matter how much I yelp or squirm, the swats keep landing. That’s why a spanking to be effective for me, has to go well past the point when I want to make it stop. If I can make it stop, I have control. If I can’t, then I know I have no control. It’s not the pain I want. Oh no. It’s the impossible-to-deny fact that I have no control over the situation at all. The only way I can avoid the pain is to be obedient. That makes a lot of sense, at least to me.