Mrs. Lion often says I’m a toddler. In fact, at her work one day the women were talking about their families and Mrs. Lion said she had a toddler at home. Her coworkers were surprised. They said that they didn’t know she had any young children. She said she was married to her toddler. I guess there are times I can be a big cub. I should be happy she can see my failings with some humor. I admit that the idea does rankle a bit. On the other hand, her description may be far more accurate than even she imagined.
One of the big issues with lifestyle power exchange is developing an acceptable way to think about the roles. There is no real context for a grown man, me, surrendering control to my wife. How is that surrender expressed, how does she wield her power? Some of that is explicitly described in our agreements. When I ask her about her role, she normally says, “I’m doing what you want.”
Well, yes she is. I can’t deny that. Even so, the role she plays has apparently evolved in her mind. Referring to me as a toddler implies that she, in her role as my authority figure, has to correct her naughty cub. This doesn’t mean we are playing some sort of baby/mommy game. We aren’t. But her level of control does resemble a maternal role. I suspect that some women when they realize that this is the model most enforced chastity and domestic discipline seems to follow, find themselves disturbed by the idea that they are married to their child. Of course this isn’t true, but it can feel that way. It’s very easy for the male to slip into a childlike role. This, of course, reinforces the mommy/child model. Some women may find this role very familiar. When I showed Mrs. Lion this post, she made this comment:
“I think a lot of women see their spouses as toddlers even if they aren’t in FLM. At least that’s been my experience over the years. Guys are a lot of work and sometimes it’s just easier to think of them as one of the kids.”
My relationship with Mrs. Lion has a strong relationship to one of a parent with a child. I must ask permission to do many things; not too many at the moment, but that will probably increase (I hope). She is teaching me good manners like not eating before her. And, when I get grumbly, I get spanked. Now, she half-jokingly refers to me as her toddler.
That sounds like a maternal relationship. I see it as a very good model for the sort of authority I have asked her to take. There is no adult model either of us has experienced that would include the level of control I want and the physical punishment I earn. If you take the mother/toddler relationship as a model, then after appropriately scaling up expectations and the level of pain inflicted, you come very close to the kind of FLM with domestic discipline we are developing.
Mrs. Lion works hard to become the strict, maternal figure that seems to fit what we have decided to do. Other models like the BDSM mistress make no sense in the context of our lives. In that model, I would be objectified, trusted with nothing and would essentially be my mistress’ play toy. In our relationship, I am expected to be responsible, perform my duties as a husband, and in general, act as an adult who pulls his share of the management of the marriage. That would never fit the mistress model. But oddly, it fits the maternal model with no problem.
In the maternal model, I get responsibilities as I can handle them. How I perform is judged by Mrs. Lion and I can be corrected in the usual way. I can be spanked or otherwise punished if I don’t manage the bills properly, remember the shopping, or fail to do something I should. So far, punishment has been restricted to the more trivial behavioral rules, but it is absolutely no stretch to apply it to anything else I do that she sees as a failed expectation. If I act like a toddler, then I will be treated as one. Right, Mrs. Lion? Corrections are administered strictly but with love. Rewards are given for good behavior or working extra hard.
As Mrs. Lion has said, she wants to be stricter and swiftly correct me as necessary. She has also said that she wants to be more observant and provide more rewards as well as punishments. She wants me to improve and most of all be happy. What role do you know that fits all that? I can only think of one. And, yes, it’s all because I asked her to be this way. No, I don’t plan to call her mommy.