Rainy Mondays generally sour my outlook on life. The combination of the gloom and chilly rain conspire to sap me of my usual optimistic view of the world. For someone living in the Pacific Northwest this is an odd malady. Iím doomed to nine months of murky clouds and rain every year. I think it is worst after a bright, warm summer ends and the first dank weather is the harbinger of the long season of darkness.
This change affects my feelings about enforced chastity, FLM, and domestic discipline. Yesterday I was thinking about this and was all too ready to say it was just ďBe careful what you wish for” or, buyerís remorse. That makes little sense as I approach two years of lockup. It does highlight the cold reality that at some point in a power exchange remorse can set in.
Is it that I am tired of the inconvenience of wearing a cage? Am I unhappy with the loss of control? The answer to both of these questions is no. Well, I do get bothered a bit by the cage, but I like that it is there. Iíve never been happier with Mrs. Lionís assumption of control than I am now. So, no, itís not time to quit. But wait. I canít quit. I gave up that control too. Is that whatís bothering me? No, thatís not it. Why would I care if I can quit or not if I donít want to?
Thereís one more possibility related to my kinks: Am I dissatisfied with the degree of control that Mrs. Lion is exerting? Is it too much? No, definitely not. Too little? Maybe sometimes. Thatís tricky. If I complain that Iím not being treated strictly enough, then Mrs. Lion wonders what she is doing wrong. But Iím not complaining about that at all. I have no idea how it feels to be more strictly controlled. My fantasies are all I have in that area and I am well aware how unreliable they are as predictors of how it would be to do something in real life.
My fantasies may have started this, but they have long stopped describing how my lioness and I are proceeding. We are feeling our way through virgin territory. Yesterday she wrote that I would be spanked ďjust becauseĒ. Of course that is a perfectly good reason. She is, after all, in full charge. Then she wrote something very interesting. She explained this ďjust becauseĒ spanking by saying that I had been acting like a toddler on several occasions, but she didnít bother to note them. That statement, I think, opens a new way of thinking for my lioness. She is not obligated to record my infractions. There donít actually need to be any infractions at all. She can simply decide that I need punishment. I donítí like the spanking but I like the acceptance of her power.
FLM and domestic discipline are not about justice. They are about control. Obviously, if punishments are always arbitrary, I will become confused about what I should do to avoid them. But thatís not what is happening here. I have been informed that I have been naughty. There is no statute of limitations on lion misbehavior. Mrs. Lion chose to remember and act on valid misdeeds. She informed me what I need to do to avoid future beatings.
The weather may stink and my bottom may burn, and I may be missing the sun, but my relationship with Mrs. Lion is better than ever. Our power exchange is moving in the right direction and we both seem to be accepting the changes we need to make. What more could I ask? Maybe Fall isnít so bad after all.