Rainy Mondays generally sour my outlook on life. The combination of the gloom and chilly rain conspire to sap me of my usual optimistic view of the world. For someone living in the Pacific Northwest this is an odd malady. I’m doomed to nine months of murky clouds and rain every year. I think it is worst after a bright, warm summer ends and the first dank weather is the harbinger of the long season of darkness.
This change affects my feelings about enforced chastity, FLM, and domestic discipline. Yesterday I was thinking about this and was all too ready to say it was just “Be careful what you wish for” or, buyer’s remorse. That makes little sense as I approach two years of lockup. It does highlight the cold reality that at some point in a power exchange remorse can set in.
Is it that I am tired of the inconvenience of wearing a cage? Am I unhappy with the loss of control? The answer to both of these questions is no. Well, I do get bothered a bit by the cage, but I like that it is there. I’ve never been happier with Mrs. Lion’s assumption of control than I am now. So, no, it’s not time to quit. But wait. I can’t quit. I gave up that control too. Is that what’s bothering me? No, that’s not it. Why would I care if I can quit or not if I don’t want to?
There’s one more possibility related to my kinks: Am I dissatisfied with the degree of control that Mrs. Lion is exerting? Is it too much? No, definitely not. Too little? Maybe sometimes. That’s tricky. If I complain that I’m not being treated strictly enough, then Mrs. Lion wonders what she is doing wrong. But I’m not complaining about that at all. I have no idea how it feels to be more strictly controlled. My fantasies are all I have in that area and I am well aware how unreliable they are as predictors of how it would be to do something in real life.
My fantasies may have started this, but they have long stopped describing how my lioness and I are proceeding. We are feeling our way through virgin territory. Yesterday she wrote that I would be spanked “just because”. Of course that is a perfectly good reason. She is, after all, in full charge. Then she wrote something very interesting. She explained this “just because” spanking by saying that I had been acting like a toddler on several occasions, but she didn’t bother to note them. That statement, I think, opens a new way of thinking for my lioness. She is not obligated to record my infractions. There don’t actually need to be any infractions at all. She can simply decide that I need punishment. I don’t’ like the spanking but I like the acceptance of her power.
FLM and domestic discipline are not about justice. They are about control. Obviously, if punishments are always arbitrary, I will become confused about what I should do to avoid them. But that’s not what is happening here. I have been informed that I have been naughty. There is no statute of limitations on lion misbehavior. Mrs. Lion chose to remember and act on valid misdeeds. She informed me what I need to do to avoid future beatings.
The weather may stink and my bottom may burn, and I may be missing the sun, but my relationship with Mrs. Lion is better than ever. Our power exchange is moving in the right direction and we both seem to be accepting the changes we need to make. What more could I ask? Maybe Fall isn’t so bad after all.