The Reluctant Disciplinarian

Tuesday night Mrs. Lion surprised me with a bonus orgasm. I had absolutely no idea it was…I was coming. It was a delightfully impulsive move on her part. All day Tuesday I was exceptionally horny.I was working from home and naked as required. I’m not sure that had anything to do with it, but I was ready to go. I won’t go through the events of the evening. I’m sure you’re tired of the clothespins on my penis. Suffice it to say that they still hurt as much as ever.

My post yesterday, drew a very interesting comment from Nerdy Dirty Girl:

As I was reading your post, I was thinking that a lot of what you were saying sounded like parenting. At its most basic, our kids push their boundaries to find the limit and feel our love.

It might be that I still have young kids at home. It might be that I, like lioness, have no real D natural tendencies. I know that the last thing I want is another person who I have to discipline. Based on the limited view we have into your lives, it makes me wonder if her reticence at enforcing rules is caused by something similar.

That’s a very good point. In fact, I brought that very subject up in an earlier post. Power exchange by its very nature puts one person in control of another. People who play for a few hours at a time can select roles; you know, master and slave, schoolgirl and teacher, etc. A full time power exchange like Mrs. Lion’s and mine can’t support itself on a skeleton of playacting. Even though the power exchange is consensual, it is still real. We are no longer assuming roles, we are actually living this power exchange. I’m not asserting that we have a parent/child relationship. We don’t. But there really isn’t any language for what we do have. Mrs. Lion’s role resembles parenting in the sense that she has the authority to make and enforce rules and monitor my behavior. But she isn’t a parent since I am capable of functioning without that supervision. It’s a choice.

Yesterday, in my post, I noted that like a child, I want to test boundaries. Part of that desire may come from a masochistic desire to feel punishment, but I don’t think so. Since this arrangement is consensual, and since I know Mrs. Lion is doing it because she knows I really want it, how can I understand that despite all that she is truly in charge? I don’t act out. I don’t have any glaring bad habits to correct. So there are no problems to correct. More importantly, we are relatively new to this. We haven’t had the time to habituate our roles. I don’t just know that Mrs. Lion is in charge. I want her to be. I want her to discipline me. And she does. What’s my problem? That seems to be the subtext in the comment. My problem is that I still feel that this is all my idea and is under my control. Testing boundaries is one way to feel her control.

It’s true, as the comment observes, that Mrs. Lion isn’t dominant by nature. It’s also true that she isn’t a disciplinarian. She hated disciplining her kids. It’s taken her a long time to be comfortable causing me pain. I don’t think that will ever change.  At best she will be able to punish me without feeling distress herself. This is not natural for her. I know she does it because I want it. She knows that too.

That doesn’t mean she can’t become proficient at dominating me and disciplining as needed. It just means that the process is new to her (and to me) and we agreed we would continue down this path. Maybe I shouldn’t test her authority. So far I haven’t. I’m not suggesting that it is a good idea for me to do that. Oh no, not at all. I need to know that I am not controlling things. I think it is difficult for Mrs. Lion to assert this. Ironically, I think it will be difficult for me hear when she does. But I need to hear it regularly.

What do you think?