We’ve had a nice Thanksgiving at home; turkey breast, stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, peas, and pie. It was just the two of us. Our families are across the continent. It’s a very good thing that we like each other’s company so much. We watched the Lions beat the Eagles. It’s always good when lions win. Of course, we are Giants fans, but we have a natural affinity for the Lions. Sexually, nothing much is going on. I read that Mrs. Lion is planning something in the dungeon this weekend. It would be nice if those plans come to fruition. I haven’t been terribly horny lately, so the lack of teasing isn’t troubling.
If you’ve been reading along, you know that the majority of my adult life I have been a top; in Internet terms, a dom. I’ve acquired a great deal of knowledge on that subject. I’m considering whether I should share some of that knowledge. Of course that won’t be on this blog, I am securely situated as the bottom here. In my online reading I find that many writers believe that a “dom” worthy of respect has never “subbed”. Ok, that’s the last time I use those hateful Internet terms. Here, you are a top if you provide the sensation and a bottom if you experience it. So, I am a bottom since my sexuality (and other stuff) is controlled by Mrs. Lion. However, I am not submissive. I’m just me. From a BDSM perspective, I’m a switch.
The reason I started wondering how I would be accepted when I wear my top hat (get it?), was when I read a site was looking for a writer on dominant topics. I sent an email to them and got back a pretty puzzling response. As an example of my writing I offered the URL to this blog. The reply I got suggested that all I offered were just “posts”. Humph! Somehow this person thinks that posts aren’t “real” exposition. I took the trouble to reply and pointed out that there are standard articles on this site too – lots of them. In fact, about half of our visitors start off on one of those pages.
And then I started realizing that a lot of Internet “doms” believe that anyone who bottoms is incapable of commanding respect. The email was well written and I am still interested in contributing. But I’m pretty sure that real life experience as a top pales next to the online exploits in fetlife and other Internet dungeons that some enjoy. It is extremely easy to be a “true dom” if all you have to do is type. In real life things are much more complicated. For one thing, when you are on the handle-side of the whip or paddle, the person on the other end is having way too much fun. I don’t know many real life tops who don’t go to the dark side and bottom now and then. I’ve traveled there and I like it. Another top and author I know also has been bottoming for several years now. Tsk, tsk.
I decided to write about this here because there is an important lesson buried in this. People are not so easily defined as tops, bottoms, “subs”, “doms”, etc. We are very complex creatures. I am not defined by my sexual surrender any more than I was defined by owning a 24/7 slave. I am me; your friend Lion. I happen to have surrendered to my lioness. I did it because I wanted to and keep it up because it feels right for me at this time in my life. I am still a pretty dominant man. I am fully independent except for those parts of my life that Mrs. Lion has decided she wants to control. I haven’t undergone a metamorphosis from “dom” to “sub”. I am just as good with a flogger, paddle, whip, needles, bondage, etc. as I was before. I can still teach others how to handle lifestyle D/S and how to safely inflict sensation.
Many of the other blogs I read are written by men who have surrendered some part of their lives to another. As far as I can tell, not one of them is the stereotypical, submissive wimp so often portrayed online. They are smart, literate, and strong. Surrender is a choice for them as it is for me. I’m sure that Mrs. Lion has no illusion that if I decided not to surrender that she could make me. What we do is consensual. But it isn’t who we are. Too many people online make the mistake of confusing that.