The other night after our teasing session, I put on the base ring of the Jail Bird and let Mrs. Lion know I was ready to be locked up. A while later I reminded her that I had the ring on and was ready. She laughed and said she locked the cage on earlier. She commented that it must be really comfortable since I don’t know if it is there. That’s true. I am rarely consciously aware that I am wearing it. Even when I try to get hard I barely feel it. Mature Metal makes an amazing product.
I thought about how seamlessly enforced chastity has integrated into our lives. We’ve weathered severe stress without even considering that enforced chastity should be suspended. Our enforced chastity has given us a way to manage a situation that had been difficult for us: the difference in our interest in sex. For the last few years Mrs. Lion hasn’t been interested in sex. I have a strong interest in it. This gap pushed us apart and reduced our intimate communications. Neither of us wanted to confront the issue.
In the beginning, enforced chastity wasn’t all that helpful. It took months for Mrs. Lion to achieve comfort with sexually controlling me and it took just as long for me to be conditioned to finding non-orgasmic sex a satisfying experience. I’m not sure I can articulate this very well, but edging sessions leave me desperate for an orgasm, but at the same time very satisfied sexually. I truly love to get to come, but I am also happy with a nice tease. This is a fundamental change for me. Before enforced chastity, non orgasmic sex left me feeling cheated. No more.
I don’t think it’s been as easy for Mrs. Lion. It’s a testament to her love for me that she worked through the issues required to be my keyholder and disciplining wife. She’s got enforced chastity down pat. My input in terms of wanting orgasms is not largely ignored. That’s as it should be.
The thing is that somehow all this one-way sexual activity has dissolved her resentment at my failure to initiate and my resentment that my only sex life was jerking off. The reality is that I did get a monthly hand or blow job, so it wasn’t as bleak as it sounds. I filled in every few days with my own hand. But I resented having to do that. So many things were left unsaid.
Things didn’t magically change. I think our increased use of email and this blog to communicate made it possible to talk on a deeper level. Without the immediate pressure of in-person conversation we could exchange more thoughtfully and broach subjects that might have been difficult otherwise. Over time we rely less on the written word and talk directly about sensitive subjects. Neither of us is very confrontational and it has been a learning process to discover it is safe to talk about things that might not be received in a positive way.
It still isn’t easy for me. But I am learning. It’s still difficult for Mrs. Lion to say no. That causes her to feel overwhelmed at times. She is much better at saying, “not now.” That’s a great step and while I don’t like hearing it, I know it is progress in improving our ability to communicate. It also advances our power exchange since she has the absolute right to say no at any time to anything.
Discipline is a challenge for both of us. We still don’t have a comfortable framework for her authority. We are taking baby steps by having rules and spanking for breaking them. The rules themselves are fairly trivial but they provide training wheels for both of us. I am not at all sure how others handle it. Up till now it has been up to Mrs. Lion to observe infractions and then render punishment. I wonder if I should report infractions to her and not expect her to catch me. I think we also need manageable ways Mrs. Lion can take more control. We are both stuck on that one.
One of the most constructive controls would be for her to punish me for doing things that bother her. I think that will be unlikely to happen in the near future. She’s learned not to have expectations and to gloss over things that bother her. It would help me a lot if I could know when I do something she doesn’t like. I worry that there are things I am doing that she isn’t telling me about and that one day will cause a major problem for us. I would rather deal with issues as they come up.
Emotionally, I have been very happy with enforced chastity and our power exchange. I am more in love than other. On other fronts I am less positive. I worry about how long my current job will last. I am a contractor and have no assurance how long I will be needed. It took me seven months to find and I fear that it will take just as long to find the next. I worry about whether people like me. I take things very personally. I’m smart enough not to lash out, but it is very easy to hurt my feelings. For someone as fiercely independent as me, this is very disturbing.
Blogging about a subject as intimate as sexual control and personal power exchange certainly makes me more vulnerable to the way people react to what I write. I see that other bloggers also are similarly vulnerable. Combine that with my more general sensitivity and it becomes hard for me to write each day. I have a generally positive nature and I’m sure that these feelings will fade and the sun will come out again. Can’t wait for summer.