The idea of ownership sometimes comes up when discussing various power exchanges. This can be as extreme as tattoos identifying the owner, or much more subtle signals that are equally significant. This concept of ownership doesn’t have to mean that the owned person is property. Far from it. Those of us who wear chastity devices are certainly owned, at least in a sexual sense. Our keyholders have absolute control over our sexual expression.
Does giving up control mean the same thing as transferring ownership? I don’t think so. After all, there is a big difference between a couple who practices enforced chastity for a weekend as part of power exchange play and one where the male is always locked in a device unless released for a short time to amuse his keyholder. In my case, I can be allowed to run around without my cage for a day or two,but there is absolutely no doubt that I will be locked back up again.
In my view, the biggest difference between control and ownership lies in the hands of the owned person. Am I consenting to let Mrs. Lion have permanent control of my sexuality or have I given her ownership? In the first case, whatever agreement we have defines her control. In the second, while there still may be an agreement, I feel that I belong to her and that she alone will decide the conditions of my chastity.
There is a giant gap between those two cases. Functionally, they can be the same. But emotionally they are worlds apart. I belong to my lioness. I strongly feel that she possesses me. That sense gives me a feeling of comfort and security. Sexually, I am unconditionally hers. There is no debate or discussion. I know that she and she alone will decide what, if any, sexual satisfaction I get. There are no escape clauses, no expiration date. I trust that her love and good sense will assure that I will get the release I need.
I don’t have to be submissive to be sexually owned. That’s a good thing since I’m not. In my case it started as a decision to surrender sexual control to my lioness. For reasons I may never fully understand, that surrender profoundly changed our relationship. Communication improved exponentially. Physical closeness improved as well. We are a better couple now. No wonder we decided to make enforced chastity a permanent change.
At first I thought that this decision to permanently bestow ownership of my sexuality on Mrs. Lion was also clear evidence that I am submitting to her in all ways. It turns out I’m not. I’m just not submissive. But I do like domestic discipline and I am happy to give Mrs. Lion control over my behavior in non-sexual situations; to a degree. She knows that I am used to control and expect to be in charge. I do have a dominant personality.
Does that seem contradictory? It isn’t. I’ll give you an example. A parent raises a child and in the beginning has total control (ownership?) of the child. As the child matures, he gets more and more control over his life. It’s not unusual for some control to be retained, even into adulthood. This control can be transferred to his spouse when he marries. The same is true of women. Society expects husbands to retain some parental authority over their wives. How much control is the subject of an entirely different conversation.
I never had any real parental control. My parents didn’t take the time to raise me. That was done by hired help and later, boarding school. I had to decide what was right for me and then follow the course. No one disciplined me. It’s easy to see that in a deep way I equate discipline with love. It may be less obvious with other guys, but this inner child seems to live in all of us.
It’s no accident that many men and women in very powerful positions seek to bottom and be dominated. I know because I have met quite a few at various leather parties and events. Washington DC is full of elected officials who want their bottoms spanked. This desire to bottom has been recorded through history. But I digress. There appears to be a Yin Yang nature to control. Someone who is required to be in charge all the time can begin to feel a deep need to surrender control. I certainly feel that.
That’s why I so often bristle when people talk to me about being dom or sub. People are far more complex than that. So, yes, I can surrender to my lioness and accept her rules and discipline without giving up my dominant nature. I can enjoy the feeling of belonging to her. I cherish that. I can do all that without being a submissive lion. I am free to decide (that’s the dominant lion talking) what I will surrender and what I will control.
Of course, once I do surrender some part of my life, I can’t wake up one morning and take it back. That would be ingenuous at the least. One true trait of a dominant is the value of his/her word. If I give my word I will keep it. I may learn to hate rules that my lioness may make, but I will follow them. I gave my word. I will bare my bottom and meekly present it for spanking. A lion keeps his word; even a dominant one.