As Mrs. Lion wrote yesterday, I have a sore of unknown origin on my penis. It looks a lot better and doesn’t hurt if touched. I’m healing. I’m also wearing the Njoy large butt plug. There is a larger one, the Njoy 2.0. We have that model but I am in no way ready to accept it. The plug is anatomically designed with a very narrow neck (See image, right) and a large body. Once in, it nestles nicely in my anal canal. More traditional plugs are straight and have much thicker necks. As far as anal training goes, a wider neck is better to condition anal muscles to relax and more easily accept larger objects, like dildos for pegging. I’m sure Mrs. Lion will work on that too. In the meantime, I’m grateful to be wearing this more-comfortable model.
This sort of activity has nothing to do with enforced chastity. It’s just that a lot of people who practice chastity also like other forms of topping too. Caging and controlling my penis is just one form of power exchange. Training me to accept anal visitors is another. And, of course, I also accept domestic discipline. Anal play has an erotic component even though it doesn’t give me an erection. Domestic discipline is not a bit arousing except as a fantasy. The practice is very unpleasant and encourages me to work hard to avoid punishment.
Speaking of punishment, Mrs. Lion wrote that I would be punished for saying that I am broken. I am writing this on Saturday evening (plugged and sitting at my desk). The spanking will come later. I know it will test my resolution to hold still for any amount of painful spanking. I’ll do my best but I am very sure it will take time and lots of painful practice for me to actually succeed.
This is not good pain. I love play spankings that can get just as intense as punishment. The difference is that during a play spanking, Mrs. Lion is watching my reactions and adjusting her swats to allow my endorphin level to build up so that the swats actually feel good. Punishment spankings start with very hard swats and never let up. In this case, Mrs. Lion wants the opposite effect. If she sees I am not suffering enough, she will swat much harder. Her implement of choice is called a ferrule. It is 16-inches long with a 3 1/2 inch diameter business end. It’s made of heavy, hard wood and is 3/8th-inches thick. That long handle and small striking area gives her a lot of leverage. In fact, this paddle is based on a design used for punishment in American colonial times. Of all the paddles I have ever experienced, it is the most effective.
This seems very hot to think about. It’s the opposite when you are the target. I am not even slightly aroused thinking about the upcoming spanking. I dread it. As Mrs. Lion likes to say, “That’s the idea, isn’t it?” Yes, Mrs. Lion, it is. I don’t like it a bit. Of course, nobody asked me if I did. This is the point where fantasy and reality diverge the most. For me, at least, it clearly reminds me that this isn’t a game designed to turn me on. It’s negative reinforcement designed to change my behavior. Experience has taught me that I am often not a very fast learner; but after a few “reminders” I learn. Discipline to be effective, requires almost perfect consistency. Not only does consistent enforcement effect the behavior change, but it also gives me a feeling of security.
The idea that punishment provides security isn’t as odd as it might sound. Since I agreed to domestic discipline and Mrs. Lion has set some boundaries, if crossing one fails to evoke an appropriate response, I start to wonder if I am worth the time and trouble to control me. Loving strictness builds an amazing bond between both disciplining wife and her disciplined husband. Agreeing to provide domestic discipline, enforced chastity, and other power exchanges, is a commitment that is held very deeply by the disciplined husband, me. I am not sure I can put why into words. I think it’s that I have agreed to be vulnerable; to be sexually controlled and punished for any reason Mrs. Lion wishes. That agreement puts me in a very emotionally vulnerable state. Love is now expressed by strict enforcement of our exchange in addition to the more traditional ways.
I know that Mrs. Lion loves me even if she forgets to discipline me, play, or do things she said she would do. I don’t believe she no longer loves me. It’s not that simple. For me, at least, it feels badly when that predictability goes awry. From what I’ve read, others have the same reaction. Mrs. Lion knows this. She’s written about it. It’s one of the most difficult things about being in charge. What can feel like a small omission can mean quite a lot to the person you rule. I’m really lucky my lioness loves me so much that she works hard to avoid hurting me that way. For the record, I’m not broken. I am out of commission sexually for a while. However, as Mrs. Lion has shown me, there is another place she can exert sexual control. I have a plug in that place now.