Does It Have To Be That Difficult?
Yes, I’ve been whining about needing to feel mohbre control and consistency from Mrs. Lion. I should know when to think of other, less-dangerous topics for a post. Last night when I came home from work, Mrs. Lion said,
“You read my post, right?”
“What do you have to do?”
I undressed, found the box of adult diapers and put one on. We went out to dinner and just as she wrote in her post, she let me take the diaper off before I dressed. When we got home, off my clothes went and on came the diaper. She kindly let me pee before putting it on. I have to pee in it and then let it soak on me for an hour before I can change it. She has allowed me to sleep without it. Yup, no question about it, I hate wearing these things. And also, Yup, I know who is the boss. It’s not me. Today and tomorrow will be long, long soggy days. Enough Lion whining.
I’m within a few days of completing my second year locked in a chastity device. Mrs. Lion has the key. That is clear evidence of who has sexual control. I’m a little surprised at myself that after all this time, I still want reinforcement for my sense of submission to her. I like the power exchange. I like knowing she will do things that I will hate. When she does, true to my prediction, I hate it. Maybe it’s a masochistic streak in me. No. I don’t like suffering. Then why do I get myself into this?
This has been on my mind since reading her post yesterday. I provoked her actions. Part of me wanted her to do this and other things to me. I have a theory. Here I go again stirring the already-boiling pot. I think my motive is that I want to feel her authority over me. We are still figuring out how to do this in more subtle ways. The simple fact is that my lioness will do anything if she thinks it will make me happy. Obviously in this case “happy” has a less-than-conventional meaning. Also, she seems to have trouble believing that just by being with me she makes me a very happy lion.
The problem is really mine. When it comes to power exchange, I truly don’t know what will work for me long term. I thought I wanted sensation play each time I was teased and edged. It didn’t take long for me to tire of that. I asked for regular-but-less-frequent sensation play. I posted suggestions (at her request) a few days ago. Are they what either of us really needs? I have no idea.
We’ve done the diaper-wearing before. So, we both know that I hate it. I also know that it is a clear display of Mrs. Lion’s power over me. So, yes dear lioness, I feel your control. She also knows that I hate painted toe nails and frilly panties; I know they are in the cards too. She knows I like the sensation play. I do. While it makes me happy in a masochistic way, it is more accommodation than control. Thank you, Mrs. Lion.
We really haven’t discovered what pushes my “controlled” button other than the items I mentioned. I’m not help at all there. I’ve never been controlled in a non-sexual way. I’m not submissive, but it’s something I want. It isn’t that Mrs. Lion couldn’t keep me feeling controlled. It’s just that we don’t know what will work. I know her. She won’t give up. You’ll recognize me if you see me. I’m the lion with the painted toenails and a diaper bulge in my pants. Sigh.