There’s a kids’ game that friends of mine played when they were young. On car trips the first one to spot a VW Beetle yells, “Punch Buggy!” and hits the other kid in the arm. I thought that was a terrific way to reach a destination with the loss of use of an arm. I also realized that the game distracted the kids from the boredom of a long car trip. I know that today’s kids have a plethora of video entertainment to enjoy while traveling so punch buggy isn’t nearly as popular. [Mrs. Lion – My daughter still plays this game. She gets me every time.]
This all came to mind after Lorie commented on my post about loss of play because my lioness has been so tired. I know that most readers don’t go back to the comments. I want to share this with you:
Lorie – “This sounds a lot like my husband & I. I love him with all my heart & soul but the energy isn’t there. Sometimes I just want to snuggle & do nothing but watch TV, I feel so stressed & pressured if I don’t do something sexual most of the time. He recently had knee surgery so he’s been out of sink sexually but now he’s getting back into things & I’m exhausted from being the full time nurse & care giver along with being a full time mom & taking her here & there for appointments & working full time. Who wants to have anything to do with sex after a day like that & that’s every day.”
I can’t argue with her point. Even without her husband’s surgery, she has a full plate. He, on the other hand, due to the surgery probably has more time on his hands than he wants. Now that he is feeling horny again he wants some fun. Sadly, it’s not an unusual problem. She doesn’t mention whether they’ve discussed enforced chastity. I think it offers a way to help bring things back.
In our case, we just pushed other things in front of sex. It was easier. After all, sex is recreation and easily skipped when time is short. The problem for us is that sex and intimacy are very closely related. No sex, then no snuggling followed by less communication on all levels. When we began enforced chastity, it was to indulge a kink of mine. I think Mrs. Lion believed it would just be more work for her with little or no reward.
That’s the root of the problem: work. Lorie seems to be thinking of sex as just more energy-draining work. In some sense, I suppose that’s true. But maybe our case could be instructive. I asked to be locked up. Once locked up it was sexy to be denied. Orgasm was no longer a guaranteed part of sex. If you’ve been reading here, you know that story. With my penis out of reach (hers or mine without unlocking me), my thoughts weren’t about missing the sex we weren’t having. They were about how much I wanted her to unlock my cock for some attention; no orgasm required. While locked up, a friendly ball rub or ass pat became a very sexy event, not the promise of an orgasm.
You can see where I’m going. He gets excited by the fact he can’t have sex. He isn’t upset you won’t have sex with him. It’s making lemons into lemonade. Just for argument sake, consider that it’s been a long, very tiring day and you are so glad to just get to bed. Would you like to straddle his face and have him give you nice orgasms and then you can roll over and go to sleep? You can get sexual pleasure without even considering reciprocation. By the way, he’ll love it. He’s having sex even though his penis isn’t involved.
Maybe on an afternoon where a friend takes your daughter off to her activity and you have leftovers planned for dinner, you can go into the bedroom, unlock him and give him his orgasm. While he’s healing it probably isn’t going to be intercourse, but he’ll have a lot of fun with a handjob. Most guys, including me, don’t get to come every week. I get more orgasms than most guys and I get an orgasm every ten days or so. Lorie, could you manage that?
Of course, I’m almost certainly reading too much into this comment. That’s because I have been trying to figure out why my relationship and sex life have improved so much since I was locked up. I do like lemonade.