I Want Her To Do Those Things. Honest, I Do. Really.
I’ve been getting a bunch of comments accusing me of stupidity for letting Lioness 2.0 know about things I am thinking about that could cause me discomfort. While I may not be the brightest Lion in the jungle, I am fully aware of the risks I take by putting potentially painful (to me) thoughts into her head. I make these suggestions because I think they will enhance our adventures in enforced chastity and FLR. Believe it or not, I have good reason to offer up these ideas.
One of the central tenets of any power exchange is that it is consensual. Mrs. Lion has my full, informed consent to do anything she wishes to me or make me do anything she wants. She has this blanket consent because I absolutely trust her. That’s both good news and bad news. The good news is that she is never going to do anything that will really harm me physically or emotionally. The bad news is that she is so concerned that I am having a good time and I am happy that she won’t do anything or make me do anything that she believes I don’t want. Since one of my key kinks is to be made to experience things I don’t want, there is a conflict.
Obviously, there are things she could do that I would not only hate, but would also push me too far and cause me real upset. She has never been willing to get near causing that. She loves me and it’s her love that motivates her actions. Combine that concern with a general lack of enthusiasm for torturing me and you get Lioness 1.0. 2.0, on the other hand, has shown considerably more interest in finding ways to push me. I love that.
Even 2.0 worries a bit more than I wish about my comfort zone. In some areas 2.0 has shown a delightful lack of concern for whether I like something or not. She has shown signs of that in recent spankings. She hits harder and a bit longer than before. She appears to be less concerned that I don’t like what she is doing. At the time I hate it and want it to stop, but I am very happy she is starting to push me.
Last weekend’s anal/pegging was a great start. I don’t like how it feels, but I do like that I can’t stop it and that she is going to keep working on it until I can be made to sit on the fucking machine for longer and longer times. Of course, right now I can’t even take the entire dildo in when she is carefully working it with her hands. But if she persists, I will learn; like it or not.
These two examples illustrate the point I want to make: What I want, maybe really need, is to be taken out of my comfort zone and trained to accept things I will hate at first. Why? It’s my kink, I guess.
This feels a bit bipolar to me. How can I do anything I can to stop a spanking, yet a day later beg her to push me further and be stricter? How can I truly hate menthol rub on my balls, yet ask her here in the blog to keep doing it? I want her to train me to do things, even humiliating things, on command yet hate it when it is happening.
I’ve given this a lot of thought. It’s not so much that I am a masochist who wants to suffer. I don’t get aroused by the pain at all. I think it has much more to do with control and how training me and controlling me is somehow interpreted by me to mean that I am loved. Whatever the reason, I am a happier person with 2.0 than I was with 1.0. I might be wrong but 2.0 seems happier too.