I admit it. I’m confused. Here I am, the big, bad, former dominant (dormant dominant?) finding myself massively turned on by obviously subby things. It isn’t that the stuff 2.0 is doing to me is new. We’ve played at some point with most of them. It’s that the feeling is different. Maybe we need some background to make this a bit less murky.
In an email yesterday: “By the way, 2.0 doesn’t care if you don’t like the pain while she’s doing it.”
I’ve always been turned on by bondage (mine and others) and by physical control (ditto). My first BDSM experiences were as a bottom. That didn’t go very well. It was upsetting me on some very deep levels. I then spent the next couple of decades as a dominant. That did go well. I was successful and had a lot of fun. Then things changed.
I met Mrs. Lion at the same time I was feeling a strong urge to bottom. To be more specific, I wanted sensation play: spanking, CBT, etc. We played for a while and then stopped. Then a bit over two years ago, we resumed. These adventures are fully documented in this blog. What’s new now is Lioness 2.0.
Over the last two-plus years of enforced chastity, the amount of sensation play as well as the more serious FLR and domestic discipline has gradually increased. A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. Lion announced Lioness 2.0. This update dramatically increased her dominance and the level of sensation play she does.
Gone are the days she only did things to me as long as I appeared to be enjoying them them. Spankings are classically severe and continue until she feels she has made her point. My cries and complaints fall on deaf ears. Yes, I know, it’s what I wanted all along. The same is true of BDSM play. That menthol rub is applied to my balls without regard for my reaction. Actually, it is my reaction that spurs her on. She saw the pain on my face, so she added more. Later, she enjoyed the bright red stripe along the seam of my scrotum that her experiment caused.
Most recently, I have been required to wear a dog collar complete with tag at all times except in public. After a couple of nights trying to sleep in it it, I am finally able to leave it on through the night. In the past when we used the collar, I did wear it for a while. She would let me take it off when I was a bit uncomfortable. 2.0 will have none of that. It remains on. Period.
The only rule that leaves me any latitude is the nudity-at-home rule. I am allowed to wear a t-shirt if I feel cold. Otherwise, choice has been taken away. I was unsure how I would react to a regime which disregards my preferences. I think Mrs. Lion was too. The fact is that since 2.0 arrived, my horniness has increased dramatically. Hoo boy!
I still feel nervous about where things are going. 2.0 isn’t plunging in full speed. I’m the one who does that. But she is steadily shortening my leash. She’s decided to take me up on suggestions I’ve made that she previously considered foolish because they would hurt or restrict me more than she thought I would like. She likes to say, “You want this.” Well, yes. But this much? This hard? This inconvenient?
Her answer is a resounding yes. She’s right. It is what I want. 2.0 is as puzzled as ever at why I would want this stuff. But the new lioness apparently decided she doesn’t need to know why. She’ll just be a good partner and give me what I want as well as what she decides I want or need; of course without consulting me. Apparently I truly do want all this. I haven’t felt this horny in ages.