It’s always puzzled me that enforced chastity made such a big change in our marriage. Before we started this, we were extremely close and in love. We had a great marriage. We struggled with sex. Our libidos are vastly different. That difference caused some unhappiness but not so much as to threaten our strong love and friendship. That was the situation in the fall of 2013. We were not successful discussing sexual issues; so we simply avoided them.
I’m an explorer by nature. I love to find and learn new things. In the early 1990’s I discovered enforced chastity. It fascinated me. Thinking about it got me aroused. I won’t go through the entire story, but I learned everything I could and began writing about it. Manufacturers sent me devices to review. I tried them but none were comfortable or practical to wear. Besides that, even though the concept of enforced chastity turned me on, I had no real interest in having less sex, or for that matter, submitting to anyone.
I rediscovered enforced chastity in the fall of 2013. It still really turned me on. I found devices that looked reasonable to wear and ordered a few. I asked my lioness to lock me up. She immediately agreed. This wasn’t unusual for her. I had been proposing and she had willingly tried many things she considered weird over the years.
Enforced chastity wasn’t an immediate success. It took some time before I found a comfortable device. For more than a year Mrs. Lion stayed with it only because it made me happy for us to be doing this. Slowly, for our own reasons, this kink became part of our lifestyle. We had agreed to reconsider enforced chastity in March of 2016. But by mid-2015 we had agreed we were in this for good.
This long-winded explanation sets the stage for the question I keep asking myself: What about enforced chastity caused us to have improved sexual communication and physical satisfaction? I’ve ruled out that the reason is that keeping me from having as many orgasms as I want is why. It’s not In fact, before enforced chastity we had much less interactive sex than we do now. I masturbated every few days and I got a hand job once every month or two from Mrs. Lion. So, enforced chastity gets me less orgasms but a lot more sex with Mrs. Lion.
As I mentioned, I’m an explorer and Mrs. Lion describes me as a suggestophile (def: someone who can’t help making suggestions even if damaging to himself). She’s right. I explore, discover something new and shiny, and bring it home to Mrs. Lion to try. Before enforced chastity, my suggestions just made things worse for her. She believed that she was letting me down if she didn’t try everything I found. The sexual chasm between us widened.
When she agreed to try enforced chastity, we were at risk for yet another opportunity for her to feel that she disappointed me. We didn’t realize it at the time, but enforced chastity is different. Unlike other suggestions like spanking or CBT, enforced chastity couldn’t just fade into history on its own. We couldn’t just “not” do it. I had something locked on my penis that denied me any sexual activity, alone or with her. So, as long as it was in place, Mrs. Lion had to be an active participant. I was also forced to communicate with her about my wants and needs since I was powerless to play with myself.
We still might have just taken the device off and let it sit in my sock drawer forever. While my enthusiasm was very high, I decided I wanted to write about enforced chastity again. Instead of adding to my static website, I decided a daily journal, a blog, would be more interesting since I could go back in time to see changes in my life. It didn’t hurt that I had seen the movie “Juelie and Juilia” (2009) where Julie, an aspiring cook, starts a blog about her learning to cook all of Julia Child’s recipes. The idea of a daily journal felt right in terms of our enforced chastity.
Shortly after I started the blog, Mrs. Lion agreed to post daily as well. We were both keeping journals and were reading what we wrote each day. Lots of other people have found this interesting and have been following along and commenting. We discuss each other’s posts and the comments we get every day. We also email each other about my suggestions, what we are doing, and what we can improve.
I can’t claim that all our sexual issues are now behind us. Mrs. Lion still gets worried about my “new” ideas. She is still concerned that if the new thing doesn’t work out, I will be unhappy. Since she announced Lioness 2.0, this is less of an issue. She will try new things but will do them with her own spin. So far, her spin is a lot more painful than my idea. So be it I like this change.
Like most counselors say, communication is the key to a good relationship. We are proof of that. This blog, to a very large extent, has put us on a path we both love. I am asked why we write every day when other bloggers post much less frequently. The answer is that we decided that daily posts will force us to maintain an open channel dedicated to enforced chastity and FLR. Searching for a topic each day will help us discuss things we might otherwise keep to ourselves.