Whatever I Want
In a recent email exchange with Mrs. Lion, as usual I told her that I love her more than anything (I do!). Her reply this time was a bit surprising. She said,
“That’s because I do whatever you want.”
That prompted some back and forth about what she meant. Her point was valid. I wanted enforced chastity. I want to give up control. She is doing what I want by taking it. Her latest change: Lioness 2.0 has her resolved to take me at my word and really take control. She’s taken baby steps in that direction. While she listens to my requests, she generally does what she pleases.
2.0 is not arbitrarily doing the opposite of what I ask. She weighs my requests and makes her decision. Sometimes I get what I want; other times I don’t. I believe that’s a very livable approach. I’m feeling her control. But I’m not pushed to the point that is too hard for me to handle.The only thing I wonder about is whether 2.0 will do the one thing 1.0 wouldn’t: push past my comfort zone.
Many of the things we do, like anal pegging, spanking, obedience exercises are training opportunities. If Mrs. Lion gradually increases the activity just a bit past what I am willing to take, my boundaries move in the direction she wants. Doing this isn’t easy. It requires careful observation of my behavior and knowing when to turn up the volume. Growth in areas like this tend to look like a staircase. For example, ten hard swats are miserable for me. Repeat the ten on a regular basis and I learn to better accept them. Then move to 15. Again, allow time to accept the increase. Rinse and repeat.
A large number of couples practicing enforced chastity do this with wait times. They start out with an orgasm every week or so and gradually move up to two weeks, four weeks, etc. The male is conditioned to accept these waits. For some they get easier. For most they are always difficult, but the repetition provides assurance that they can make it through and get the orgasm at the end.
In our case, there is an exception to the staircase training: punishment. Mrs. Lion prefers spanking as her primary form of discipline. Since her objective is to deter future bad behavior, she wants to be sure I hate those swats. I do. Ironically, as I am conditioned to take more swats, her punishments have to get more severe to be meaningful.
All this implies that 2.0 has goals for me in these training areas. Years ago, there was an anal goal that I would be able to accept her entire hand. She said she liked that idea and liked the effort needed to train me. I liked the idea. The actual training is really uncomfortable for me. I don’t know if that is still a goal. I don’t know any of Mrs. Lion’s goals, if she has them. I don’t want to know them. My role is to accept what she chooses to do. I’m trying my best to do that.
I guess that ultimately she is doing what I wanted. After all, this stuff wasn’t her idea. We talked a bit about that too. We agreed that while I did come up with most of the stuff we do including enforced chastity and female led relationship. We also agreed that continuing was no longer up to me. We both agree that for reasons we don’t understand, this power exchange is making us both happier and our marriage even better. This means that once upon a time this was what I wanted; but now it is what we want. And, since I no longer have a vote, it’s what she wants. Her lion, her game.