Yesterday was a rainy, quiet day around here. Mrs. Lion took me down to our dungeon …er playroom and strapped me into the sling. She had been promising to do this and I think she felt a bit badly that it didn’t happen on Saturday. She put very heavy metal clothespins on my balls. I got those items a few years ago. I think they were designed to be desk accessories, but they are effective for CBT. The session didn’t go as well as we would have hoped. It was my fault. I just wasn’t feeling very horny or, for that matter, interested in sensation play.
In that ideal dommy/subby world, the bottom should always be ready for a good butt whipping, anal intrusion, or other sensation play. In the real world that just isn’t true. In my case, I think I need to be horny first. Sexual arousal is the precursor to wanting my ass whipped, pegging, or other play. If I’m not able to be turned on, I probably won’t be when the clothespins start biting my balls. I realize that this isn’t necessarily the same for others who bottom. But I believe the root of enforced chastity and other power exchange activities have a sexual base.
On Saturday night Mrs. Lion edged me. The last edging went a bit too far and I had a ruined orgasm. I didn’t drip semen, but I felt the unmistakable sensations of an oncoming orgasm. It could be that I was taken to the very edge of that sexual chasm but I didn’t fall; so close I was sure I was past the point of no return. It’s true, as Mrs. Lion reported, that I did feel myself trying to have an erection yesterday morning. Later, in the sling, I got hard but I just didn’t feel the usual need to go further and further toward the orgasmic light.
It might have been due to the near miss on Saturday. Or, it could be my sexual rhythm at a low point. I just don’t know. Enforced chastity has focused both Mrs. Lion and I on my sexual state. We are in the third year of reporting and dissecting every sexual event we have. I am the object of intense sexual observation and introspection. A day like yesterday when I was just not in the mood seems to require in depth analysis. In a relationship where my sexuality remained in my control, losing interest for a day or two would mean nothing. In fact, my partner might consider it a sort of vacation from my usual horniness.
But in my current situation, a day when I was not sufficiently aroused by activities I am known to love, makes me wonder and worry about whether this loss of interest has a meaning beyond an unaroused Sunday afternoon. Mrs. Lion appears unruffled by my lack of interest. Is she just being kind? Have I caused her to question her ability to turn me on? Will this spoil future opportunities to take field trips to the playroom? Am I just overthinking a day when I just didn’t feel turned on?
I think this sort of self doubt is a byproduct of enforced chastity. Since my penis is locked up and I have extremely limited opportunities for sexual expression, I’m supposed to be at attention and ready any time the cage comes off. Yesterday it came off and I just wasn’t in the mood. Is this a byproduct of the ruined orgasm? I don’t know. But I want to encourage Mrs. Lion to find me ready, willing, and able whenever she wants me that way. I don’t want her to get the idea that I need less frequent stimulation. After all, doesn’t abstinence make the hard grow harder? I’m hoping that today is another day where I am back to my normal, horny self. I’m also hoping Mrs. Lion will unlock me to find out.