Getting Started As A Keyholder

I’ve been thinking about our enforced chastity and what made it work. I can’t claim that we had a grand plan and by following it, succeeded. There is no grand plan. There never was. Most guys start off in enforced chastity attempting to turn a very hot sexual fantasy into reality. Chances are very good that the person they select as keyholder has never heard of this kink before.

Let’s assume you are the female partner in a vanilla relationship. One evening your partner tells you that he wants to be locked in a male chastity device. He shows you one. You love him a lot. So you ask him to explain what he wants. He tells you about his fantasy. He wants you to put this device on his penis and then leave it there until he is exploding with desire. He tells you that by doing this, he will focus only on you and will spend his life pleasing you in any way he can.

You are skeptical. You wonder if he has been holding back all these years and only by locking him up, will discover he can do so much more. That doesn’t feel like an incentive to you. In fact, this fantasy seems completely unrealistic. On the other hand, you don’t see any immediate downside, so you say yes. He puts on the device. It looks uncomfortable. He hands you the lock and keys. He shows you where to put the lock. You lock him in. Now what?

If he is smart, he kisses you and thanks you for doing this for him. If he isn’t, he’ll start telling you what you should do now. It will be an unrealistic list of activities, most not particularly interesting to you. He is very excited and you can see that his penis is trying to get erect in its cage.

At this point you may decide to indulge him and try to do the things he asks. If the list isn’t too long or annoying, you fall into a rhythm of activities and waiting. You still don’t see what he gets out of it, but you are reasonably comfortable indulging him. After a while, he may get tired of the game and want to get out. Or, he will escalate his list of “shoulds” until you feel overwhelmed and call an end yourself.

There is a third path: success. This involves changing the game. As his keyholder you recognize that under all his fantasy talk, he is asking for a simple power exchange. The fantasies revolve around the idea that you make him want sex, but deny him until you feel like letting him ejaculate. That’s it. The other stuff is sexual fantasy he has used to masturbate.

Once you recognize this simple truth, it’s fairy easy to provide him with exactly what he wants without the burden of his masturbatory fantasies. You realize that while he may want indefinite lockup, he is accustomed to sex of some kind fairly regularly. He doesn’t realize how difficult long waits will be at first. So you start him off with a nice handjob every five to seven days. You realize that his desire is to be controlled, so every day or two you unlock him and masturbate him to the edge of orgasm a few times and lock him up again.

This increases his desire and reinforces your sexual control. You can do other things too. While he is locked up, you can have him please you with his mouth or hands. My suggestion is to avoid penetration for the first month or two. He can misinterpret penetration as taking back control. Over time, you can increase his wait. It will take a while for him to learn to manage less frequent orgasms, but if you gradually increase his time, he will learn. Go from a week to ten days; then go to two weeks. Gradually increase the waits to the level you wish. Many men, even with regular teasing, will start to find it easier and easier to manage their desire as the longer waits go on. So, as a good keyholder, when you see that subtle drop off in interest, you give him an orgasm and start the frustrating process all over again. This can be fun for you.

This is just one approach. You will most likely come up with one of your own. The point is that acting out his chastity fantasies will probably not work over time. Coming up with your own approach can turn enforced chastity into a permanent part of your lives. That’s what happened with us. Mrs. Lion experiments and learns what works for us both. We’ve discovered that enforced chastity has benefits far beyond sexual play. So, if I ever get tired of it, tough luck! I’m locked up for life.

Male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and FLR with discipline. Locked since 1/2014. FLR 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

5 comments on “Getting Started As A Keyholder
  1. Queenariana says:

    I have been reading every one of your posts for awhile now. This was an excellent post for me. I have been having difficulty translating my dominant fantasies to action, I believe because I have been with vanilla partners for so long without satisfaction. My new s asked me yesterday if he made me feel sexual. Deep question. I told him sometimes, not because I don’t feel sexual around him, but because I was accustomed to a vanilla guy making a move on me physically or verbally, which was my indicator that he found me attractive. My new s told me from the beginning he does not initiate. So I have been in a quandry. It is dawning on me the erotic power I feel taking/asking for/demanding sexual pleasure for myself, in turn sexually turning him on by pleasing me, which stimulates me even more powerfully. The varied dynamics of power exchange are exploding my mind. I love it.

  2. dbm_charm says:

    I just discovered this blog and it’s wonderful. I am not in a device but have been bringing this up with my wife for about a year. She’s been occasionally receptive and, for the first time ever, she’s denied me an orgasm for 2 days. The truth is, she just enjoys penetration A LOT. I wonder if you could comment about how to let women understand that this lifestyle shouldn’t interfere with intercourse.

    Next weekend, I am going to offer to take kids for a few hours, arrange for a massage and then suggest she go to a cafe. While she’s there, I’m going to send her a link to your blog!

    • Caged Lion says:

      Good luck! First things first. Once she agrees to do orgasm control and lock you up, how long you remain locked isn’t really the issue. You both will work out a rhythm that is right for you. As Mrs. Lion always says, “Baby steps.”

  3. Mike says:

    I hesitate to comment since it is nearly a year and a half after the fact, but this is just as good a time as any. When i found your blog roughly 7 months ago i have been marathon reading to catch up to the present, and have only read a few of your newer posts, especially when your server crashed lately. One aspect that would be good for new keyholders to understand, and one that doesnt get very well articulated, though you have hinted at it through your relationship with Mrs. Lion. When a guy asks his wige/girlfriend/significant other to do something, even if its as vanilla as wearing heels to bed and acting like a total slut in the bedroom, its not just that he wants you to do this. He wants her to WANT to do it, and hopefully get as much enjoyment from it as he does, if not more. If you do another post directed to new keyholders that may be something to approach in it.
    Have truly enjoyed your blog thus far, it has been rather informative and real. My wife and i are still in the “exploratory” stages or enforced chastity, still trying to see if this is something we want to do long term or not. I myself am ready to jump in and go for it lol.
    Im still hoping that Mrs. Lion’s libido is returning, especially to the point of your originating fantasy. Or I guess to what just about every guys originating fantasy is.

    • Caged Lion says:

      It’s unfair and unrealistic to expect your keyholder to enjoy what you fantasize she should do for you. She isn’t a fantasy puppet. She is the boss and you have to enjoy what she likes.

What do you think?