Power Exchange Vs Power Vacuum

I’ve been thinking about how my surrendering my sexual satisfaction and authority in our relationship can improve the way Mrs. Lion and I relate. We started with a happy marriage and now, thanks to enforced chastity and FLR, have an even happier one. The classic explanation for this improvement is that I am a submissive lion who finally gets to give up control, or Mrs. Lion was a closet dominant who is now able to rule the den.

Both of those explanations are too glib. They assume there are hidden personality traits that finally have been allowed to express themselves, thus making us happier. That isn’t the case. Before we started enforced chastity, we had a sexual problem. Mrs. Lion was angry that I didn’t initiate sex and I felt guilty I couldn’t. We rarely discussed this issue and never came up with a workable solution. We had a sexual power vacuum. Mrs. Lion wanted me to fill it and I wanted the same from her.

I think a lot of couples have similar power vacuums. They may not be sexual. These vacuums could be about finances, child rearing, decisions about social activities, etc. They can also be more subtle. I tend to interrupt Mrs. Lion when she is speaking. In the past she let me and held back on the anger my interruptions caused. There are other situations where I just disregarded her feelings as well. Her anger would build up and eventually come out in a way not appropriate to the triggering situation. The same is true with me as well. I would be afraid to upset her by asking her to take better care of something at home. My bottled-up feelings would build until I became sullen and grumpy.

When we decided to take up enforced male chastity, sexual initiation was part of the power I surrendered to Mrs. Lion. Early on, she decided to “assign” initiation to me as part of the power exchange. We tried it. It didn’t work for her. But it was a fair use of her power. Over the last couple of years we’ve tried lots of things. I’ve suggested many of them, but I couldn’t implement them. I don’t have the power. Mrs. Lion decides what we do or don’t do. We agreed to extend her power to our relationship in general. She has the last word on everything, including my behavior. She punishes me for disobedience or failing to follow a rule.

This, like enforced chastity, sounds very BDSM. In some ways it is. But that’s not what has made our marriage better. I think it is the fact that we have no more power vacuums. In our case, I surrendered power to my lioness and she accepted. Over time she has exercised her power more and more. I haven’t stopped doing my share. I still pay the bills and do the other things I’ve always done. But  now I have to ask permission before taking any action. Mrs. Lion is learning to accept that she can veto any decision I want to make.

All of this is happening slowly. Over time she has incorporated her power into our relationship. She is capable of painfully spanking me when I break a rule. It isn’t sex play.It’s real punishment and we both think of it that way. Every so often we make a small leap. Each one reduces my autonomy and increases her self confidence. I know that she feels that she is just improvising as she goes along. That’s partially true. But each time an improvisation works and makes things better for us, she remembers it and it becomes part of our day-to-day lives.

I still make lots of suggestions on how our power exchange could work. She tries many of them. The ones that work, she keeps. Ironically, the ones that work often make my life more difficult or my butt redder. That’s too bad. She has learned that it is up to her if I am punished. I have no vote. My chastity device stays on whether or not I get tired of it and want it off. The power vacuum is gone. Mrs. Lion has it all.

Male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and FLR with discipline. Locked since 1/2014. FLR 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

What do you think?