Orgasm Control

Orgasm control is a term that’s bandied about on various forums. People who use this term consider it different than enforced chastity. Depending on who is writing, some fine, basically-trivial differences are cited. Let’s try to clarify.

First, enforced male chastity is a practice where the male is forbidden to have sexual release that isn’t authorized by a person called his keyholder. Many people who practice this use a mechanical chastity device that is locked on the penis and prevents erection and orgasm. This device, however, is not necessary to practice enforced chastity. The requirement is that the male won’t allow himself to orgasm in any way without the authorization of the keyholder.

As Mrs. Lion has made very clear, whether or not I am wearing a chastity device has nothing to do with her control of my sexuality. I like wearing the device because I find it exciting and I like the fact that I have no choice whether or not I can have an orgasm. When she lets me remain uncaged, I still don’t have the right to touch myself sexually, or for that matter, let anyone else touch me sexually. But it is possible without the mechanical barrier.

Some people believe that the chastity device is the only tool the keyholder has to control the caged male’s sexual activity. They also believe that sexual control without a mechanical device is orgasm control, not enforced chastity. So, apparently for some people, enforced chastity is about hardware and orgasm control is dominance.

That’s not how my lioness and keyholder looks at it; at least now. When we started, enforced chastity was something she did to make me happy. I didn’t cheat because I was living one of my fantasies. Somewhere along the way Mrs. Lion came to think of me masturbating in a similar way to how she thinks of me having sex with another woman. I talked a bit about this change in my post yesterday.

You see, enforced chastity / orgasm control are both part of a power exchange. In the world of BDSM, power exchanges are negotiated, have limits, and can have safe words. In our marriage, enforced chastity is no longer a power exchange; it’s a marriage vow. It’s an essential part of the bond of trust that Mrs. Lion and I share as a couple. I absolutely trust that she won’t have sex with anyone but me. She absolutely trusts that I won’t have sex with another woman and also trusts that I will never touch myself sexually.

This goes way beyond a power exchange. It is a central trust issue in our marriage. I don’t think either of us noticed this shift. Somehow it went from something Mrs. Lion did to make me happy, to something she enjoyed as well, and now to a marriage vow she considers central to our relationship.

This evolution is completely unexpected. I don’t think either of us noticed until I asked in a post how Mrs. Lion would react to me masturbating. Her reaction caught me by surprise. I suspect it surprised her too. I’m still processing my feelings about this. I accept it, but it does make me feel a bit odd. It is clear that whether or not we practice BDSM or I wear a chastity device, I can never touch my penis sexually. Only Mrs. Lion has access to it. Wow!

Male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and FLR with discipline. Locked since 1/2014. FLR 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

5 comments on “Orgasm Control
  1. JimsKH says:

    My husband and I are relatively new to male chastity. We have started reading your blog. We have encountered a small problem and thought you might have some advice. I have had edging sessions with him everyday for the past week sometimes more than once per day. This has caused some pretty severe pain on the skin of his penis. We use a water based lube. Is there something else you would suggest to try to avoid this in the future? We could play less… But where’s the fun in that? 😉

    • Caged Lion says:

      The only thing I might suggest is using no lube and a firmer grip or trying a more substantial lube. We use several brands and Mrs. Lion keeps adding more as the lube gets dry. Good luck!

  2. Queenariana says:

    I appreciate this info. As I was asking some of the important questions of my new s, he said he wouldnt be able to wear the chastity device while bicycling, and he bicycles up to 20 miles at a time. Well, I hadn’t thought of that. It sounds uncomfortable and I wouldnt want that. Has anyone ever tried bicycling with one of those on? So I appreciate your mindset about enforced chastity.

  3. Mark says:

    @Queenariana: There are so many different kinds of devices available, and some are more comfortable than others for various types of activities. At this point I expect that you’re using a “ball-trap” type of device like the CB-6000 or equivalent. Personally, I dislike all of those style devices, because I find them encumbering, but many use them very successfully, and without a piercing of some sort they’re really the only option.

    So it comes down to examining different devices to see which one will work best; it seems that this is an inevitable part of the chastity journey. One device in particular might be worth a look – I’ve heard good things about it, and like the design and material selection quite a bit: it’s the Holy Trainer (www.holytrainier.com).

    Good luck to you!

    • Caged Lion says:

      The selection of devices is much better than it used to be. Based on reports from bloggers and readers, the Mature Metal, Jail Bird is the most comfortable. I’ve been wearing mine for over two years 24/7. It never irritates me and I occasionally get a little pinch that requires me to adjust myself. Ultimately, the custom-made device worked best for me.

What do you think?