Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday shows how completely both enforced chastity and FLR are integrated into our relationship. She described a problem we had Sunday night. I won’t go into it again. You can read about it in her post. I had misbehaved; not in the classic BDSM-like way, but in a real-life, grumpy lion way. In many marriages an incident like this would have turned into a fight or bad feelings that would extend over days.
Even though we aren’t very advanced in FLR, we are far enough along that instead of the silent treatment or hours of passive aggressive anger, the problem was managed with a penny. Yesterday, punishment day, she informed me that I had a penny in my naughty-lion bank. I would be spanked for my grumpy behavior Sunday night.
That may not sound like a big deal, but it is. The incident in question was completely unrelated to enforced chastity or any rules I have to follow. Instead, it was a marital bump caused by the different ways we handle unexpected things. The fact that Mrs. Lion was very accepting of a more-than-an-hour wait for the friend to show up was annoying, not to mention the fact we sat in the car outside a hotel for that hour. When the friend finally sent a text that she was there but couldn’t find us, we learned that we were at the wrong hotel. We spent another twenty minutes going to the correct one.
I was very angry. Mrs. Lion wasn’t. In her mind, shit happens. In mine, it was thoughtlessness on the part of the friend combined with bad planning. Sound like a situation that would bring on a fight? It didn’t. I was grumpy for a while. I learned the consequence for that the next morning.
It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. Mrs. Lion recognizes that very well. I upset her and that is all that counts. I didn’t try to argue with her. I would have in the past. I’ve learned that she has the last word on everything; even things I am sure I am right about. I kept my mouth shut. I just fumed silently. That fuming earned me a sore bottom last night.
I agree that I deserved it. FLR is about real-life surrender to my disciplining wife. Before this incident I privately wondered if either of us had internalized our power exchange. Apparently we are starting to do it now. If we were more advanced, Mrs. Lion would have told me to stop acting like a baby and suck it up and would have spanked me right there on the spot. That’s the next step, I think.
At some point we will figure out how to make punishment come closer to the event that earned it. For the time being, we have punishment nights. They are effective to me and work for her. Power exchanges are a funny thing; once they start to take root, they grow faster and faster and often go in directions neither person expected. Stay tuned.
If you kept your mouth shut, what else were you expected to do? If you didn’t look sufficiently cheery about the situation, did you get a warning about your demeanor prior to incurring the punishment?
Well, I was quiet, but Mrs. Lion could see I was fuming. I wasn’t warned. We are working on more verbal feedback. It’s tough for her to do that. But Lioness 2.0 is working on it. I did deserve the punishment. I should have been more in control of myself and not get so angry, even if I was quiet.
I guess, as long as you think so. That seems like a tough one to me. We can control how we behave, but not always how we feel. Seems like you did the right (and difficult) thing and showed restraint in your behavior in a difficult situation.
I appreciate your sense of fairness. The way I see it is that if Mrs. Lion could tell I was upset and that made her feel badly or angry, then she is justified in punishing me. After all, I was going along with her on a visit with her friend. It was never my place to get annoyed because that meeting was late. True, I was starving and we were meeting for dinner, but still it was her appointment and I had no right to make her uncomfortable that her friend was late. She admitted that there were things she should have done. That doesn’t change the fact that I made her visit less enjoyable.
The equities aside, if you want to help yourself out in those situations, I would consider meditation techniques. When I get like that, I focus on my breathing (and keep coming back to it when I lose focus) to distract myself from the situation. It can keep your mind from getting wound up and the inevitable display of frustration on your face.
Here’s my view of the evening. Lion didn’t really want me to meet my friend anyway. Then he was concerned that I’d be driving alone at night. He asked if I wanted him to come with me. First reaction? No. Since he didn’t even want me to go, why would he want to come? But I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. So I suggested we eat beforehand. Too early. Uh oh. A hungry Lion is not a happy Lion. He’d be waiting at least an hour past his normal feeding time. But he wanted to go.
Lion likes to know exactly how things will happen. Where are we meeting? When are we eating? How long are we staying? Not exactly laid back circumstances for meeting a friend. Then things went bad. I was willing to roll with it. Lion was not. But it was my night. He was along for the ride.
You guys are in agreement as to the result, so that’s all that matters.
My sympathies always lie with the person who gets hit (or “whomped” or “roasted”), and I always ask what they could’ve done differently. it seems like he was in a bit of a no win situation. He went along out of concern for you (I too worry about my wife driving alone at night), things went South, he held his tongue–but his face betrayed his emotions–and he paid a painful price for it.
Especially in that situation, it seems like a warning would’ve been fairer (and easily given) so he could’ve attempted a course correction.
I sympathize with him because I’m just as time conscious as he is. My Mother drilled it in to me that tardiness is a sign of (gross) disrespect. As a result, when I’m late or anyone else is, I get really anxious and frustrated. It’s difficult programming to undo.