We ran errands on Saturday. I was in my shock collar. I got a few playful jolts, but no punishment was needed. While we were in a warehouse store, I had to use the men’s room. When I came out, 2.0 decided to give me another playful jolt. It didn’t work. We wondered if I didn’t accidentally turn off the shocker. As it turns out, I didn’t. A bit of my underwear folded under one of the electrodes and insulated me from 2.0’s little shock. We discussed this and agreed that her purse paddle is the only reliable correction device for her to use when we are out of the house.
Saturday night, 2.0 mercilessly edged me. I don’t know how many times she did it, but there was no extra recovery time; get to the edge, slight pause, rinse and repeat. I was a puddle when she finally finished. This sort of activity does leave me frustrated, but I love it.
It seems that pretty much all of the couples who practice enforced chastity have other power exchange interests as well. Some were practicing some sort of partner-dominant play or lifestyle before embarking on enforced chastity. Others discovered chastity and later, wanted to experiment with other power exchange activities. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Is there a fundamental connection between say, FLR and enforced chastity? Do guys who want their cocks locked up also want their butts spanked? The answer to that is no; no, with qualifications.
The first thing to consider is that enforced male chastity is not well known. TV shows have featured BDSM. Fifty Shades of Grey introduced it to millions more around the world. But even inside the leather community, enforced male chastity is almost unknown. I think that enforced chastity is very different from other power exchanges. It’s a 24/7 activity. Very little in BDSM is like that. It’s able to be enforced without active participation on the part of the dominant. The chastity device is locked on and from then on, the keyholder doesn’t have to do anything more. The caged male, on the other hand, is always aware of the loss of control. He can’t forget it. It’s safe to leave him locked up indefinitely. That’s unique.
I don’t think that most people, even BDSM people, would consider trying enforced male chastity. Losing control of sexual expression requires incredible trust. Enforced chastity isn’t an accepted part of the BDSM lexicon. Then why do many of us practice other power exchanges?
I’m not submissive. Mrs. Lion will agree; ask her if you don’t believe me. Even so, I have suggested increasing Mrs. Lion’s control over me. None of these other things are related to enforced chastity beyond the fact that they give my lioness more control. So why does a non-submissive critter like me ask to lose more control? Am I a closet subbie? I don’t think so.
I think that our practice of enforced chastity has improved our marriage immensely. It has also made Mrs. Lion more assertive and more willing to express her expectations and desires. When we agreed to expand her control to cover our lives in general, a much more recent change, it feels to me that our awareness of each other has grown. She pays more attention to what I am doing. I’m much more aware of what she wants.
Domestic discipline — punishment — is part of this expanded power exchange. Mrs. Lion prefers spanking as her punishment of choice. It, like my chastity device, is the physical tool that is facilitating this power exchange. At least for us, some physical, unmistakable device is the catalyst that drives our behavioral change. The chastity device forced us both to remember that Mrs. Lion has full control of my sexuality. If she forgets, I remind her since my desire for sex makes sure I do.
In the more general power exchange, punishment serves the same purpose as the chastity device. Like enforced chastity, FLR was my idea. Punishment lets me know that Mrs. Lion is actually participating actively. I’m inclined to remind her if I break a rule. Her physical response guarantees that she agrees I need a reminder to do better. To remind her that she might owe me some pain, we have scheduled punishment days. Punishment days have one drawback. They remove the punishment some distance from the “crime”. That tends to make it harder to associate the spanking with the reason I earned it. It provides less reinforcement to both of us.
Mrs. Lion noted this and we decided to try to punish me immediately after the offense. At home that is fairly easy, though it does require Mrs. Lion and I to interrupt what we are doing. That, in itself, is a good thing. The disruption provides additional incentive for my lioness to punish severely enough to prevent a re occurrence. She said that she also wants to do this when we are away from home. She now carries a paddle in her purse. It will take a bit of creativity to find a place she can drop my pants and spank me when we are out. This hasn’t happened yet, but I am sure she has considered how she will do this. 2.0 is a very determined lioness.
It seems that power exchanges are dynamic. They don’t arrive at a point and stop. They may not change a lot, but it looks to me that the power will either grow or shrink over time. I could be wrong here since I am judging by my own relationship. Our power exchange is very young. We are each learning our roles and are working out how to fully integrate them into our lives. This will take a long time.
In the beginning it takes some planning and seemingly-artificial activities to start the engine. After a while, it gets a life of its own. That’s what is happening to us with enforced chastity. It’s now an integral part of our marriage. We take it as seriously as any other marriage vow. It’s too early to know where we will go with the other stuff. FLR is still more an activity than part of our lives. I still can’t properly stay still for a spanking. Mrs. Lion often overlooks offenses. We have a lot of work to do. We’ll both keep you posted with our progress.