We get a lot of questions from new keyholders about how to build the enforced chastity power exchange. I think there are a few assumptions people make that may get in the way of their attempt to get going.
In the BDSM world, it looks like the dominant partner does anything he/she wants to the helpless bottom. In fact, the bottom/submissive is the one controlling the scene. It all starts with negotiations when the bottom informs the top about activities that are not acceptable (limits). Then, the bottom goes on to explain what he hopes will be done to him. When the scene begins, the top can choose activities from what the bottom will allow. If things get too intense, the bottom uses a safeword and activity stops. The bottom retains ultimate control.
Of course there are variations on this, but you get the idea. Enforced male chastity starts in a similar way. In our case, I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. I then explained how I thought it should go. I said that I thought she would make me wait until I was desperate for an orgasm and then give me one.
Right from the start she decided to do something different. She reasoned that if she was in charge, then she could turn the tables and give me an orgasm every day. So she did. I didn’t like it. For one thing, I wasn’t used to coming that often and it didn’t feel very good. For another, I had a very different idea of what I signed up to do.
Mrs. Lion was both right and wrong. She was right that I surrendered control of my sexuality and she absolutely had the right to jerk me off three times a day if she wanted. She was wrong in expecting me to be able to handle it right from the start.
Power exchanges start off with an agreement to surrender power to another. That agreement is a sort of contract. It bestows rights on the top, or keyholder in my case. What it doesn’t do is change my physical or emotional dynamic. Yes, my wish was coming true, but I was unprepared to manage the ramifications. It’s like that commercial where a man finds a dusty lamp, rubs it and a genie comes out. The genie offers to grant a wish. The man wishes for a million bucks and the genie produces a million male deer.
The keyholder is a genie. She can grant her partner’s wish for sexual surrender. She can be like the genie in the commercial and make him regret not being more specific, or she can use her new power to condition him to do what she wants.
For example, if Mrs. Lion wanted me to come every day, I would need conditioning to be able to physically manage it and emotionally understand it to be a valid expression of the power she was given. Perhaps if she started making me come every three days, then after a while, every other day, finally every day, I would have been able to manage daily ejaculations.
The same is true with making the caged male wait longer for a chance to come. In the beginning if you unlock him and give him sex at about the same frequency he had before being locked up, he will almost certainly object to this. His fantasy, after all, is to wait a long time to come. You’re in charge. Ignore it. Instead, very gradually increase his wait. You are conditioning him.
This process, along with a comfortable chastity device is almost guaranteed to keep things going. If you grant him his wish, he will be unprepared for the feelings enforced chastity bring up. He needs time to get used to your control before you actually use your new power. If the device isn’t comfortable, look for one that is, but don’t stop the orgasm control. He has to understand that the device isn’t why he only comes when allowed. Your power does not need hardware to be enforced.
Once chastity and your power are established, you can really be a genie. For example, I mentioned that I had read about men being made to wear diapers. Diaper wearing was not something Mrs. Lion had any particular interest in making me do, but we tried because I asked. When she had me wear them, I complained because they were hot to wear to bed. So she stopped making me wear them overnight and pretty much stopped making me wear them at all. I also mentioned maybe panties would be something she could make me wear. So I wore them for a day or so. I told her that they did nothing for me. She told me she felt the same way. So they remain in the drawer.
She expressed an interest in pegging me. When 2.0 emerged, she decided to start preparing me for a real pegging by our fucking machine. So, almost every night something goes up my ass to get me used to the intrusion. I am being conditioned to get pegged. More importantly, her authority is reinforced by the fact that I may have started her on the path to pegging, but it has been made abundantly clear that I can not stop when it gets uncomfortable or not as interesting as I imagined.
Each time that I get a “wish” granted and then learn that maybe it wasn’t as good an idea as I first thought, is a new opportunity to increase Mrs. Lion’s control. I think that too many guys convince their keyholders that topping from the bottom means she is granting their wishes. It’s not. Each request is a new opportunity to be the genie who gave the guy a million bucks; the four-footed kind.