I believe that enforced male chastity is going mainstream. We were interviewed by The Huffington Post for a podcast. The coverage was positive. It wasn’t one of those “weird sex” pieces often done on the Internet (MSN.com, for example). We both enjoyed the experience. I have been contacted by others interested in male chastity. This feels different to me than snarky humor pieces and porn-related discussions. I always ask why the interest in this oddball kink we share. The answer is always that people are interested. I assume by “people” they mean ordinary, non-kinky citizens. Is this all fallout from Fifty Shades of Grey?
I don’t think so. That’s old stuff by now. Our readership has steadily grown, but not enough to suggest John Q. Public is hitting the search engines looking for male chastity. I’ve noticed something else: There is a lot more being written and discussed about women taking sexual charge. Classic male-centrist porn is full of busty women tied to beds being turned into willing sex slaves. “Yes Master!” is their rallying call. In real life there are plenty of female bottoms. I was a top for a couple of decades and can personally attest to that. But female tops, other than pay-for-spanks “mistresses” have always been rare. The few I know get inundated by wannabe submissives aggressively soliciting them. No wonder they keep a low profile. Maybe there are more than I imagine.
I suspect that many women wouldn’t mind a bit if they could take charge in some ways with their partners. One reason we started this blog was to provide women with a safe place to learn about being the top in a sexual power exchange. It may be that a woman who is secure in her relationship when presented with a reasonable male fantasy about enforced chastity might just say, “What the hell” and try it. That’s what happened to us. There are other bloggers who also started this way. It’s safe for the woman. She doesn’t have to get black leather outfits and carry a riding crop. All she has to do is hold a key. If she doesn’t like how things are going, she can give the key back; no harm, no foul.
We can’t claim that our blogs are doing all that much to raise public awareness. The only way to find us is to search a relevant topic. The vast majority of people have no idea there is such a thing as enforced male chastity. I suspect that since a good number of our blogs approach male chastity with a much more realistic view, that men who might have clicked away thinking we were porn sites, are doing some reading and getting interested in this new-to-them idea. I’ll bet some of them are writing members of the press who in turn research the subject and decide to write about it. I can’t imagine any other reasonable explanation for our recent attention.
In my mind, much more important than the mainstream media discovering our kink, is that ordinary people who somehow stumble on the idea of enforced male chastity, find sources like this one and take the time to get a realistic idea of what we are all about. This begins to elevate us out of the porn morass and into an area where people believe they actually can try our kink. Let’s face it, even if more people listen to our stories, they may just walk away shaking their heads. At least they are no longer unaware.
Of course, twenty years ago almost no one knew about S&M. The prevalent belief was that leather-clad dominant men kidnapped women, raped and murdered them. Over recent years a load of bodice-ripping romance novels like Fifty Shades of Grey popularized the idea of recreational S&M. In fact, a few years ago a study found that over 80% of women and 70% of men had fantasies about being tied up. The ground is extremely fertile for power exchange. People like us (you, Mrs. Lion, and I) provide real life examples of sexual power exchanges. The dungeon has moved to the bedroom.
It’s only natural that a practice like enforced chastity will emerge as a manageable sexual kink. It doesn’t cause pain and doesn’t require anything other than a chastity device and two interested people. A cheap, over-the-counter chastity device costs less than $50 USD and it’s all that’s needed to get a taste of enforced male chastity. We may be heading into the mainstream after all.
Very interesting article. Here in the UK I doubt enforced male chastity (EMC) is going main stream any time soon although it is undoubtedly getting more popular, judging but the number of adult/sex shops – both online and on the High Streets (well, mainly on industrial estates so they are more discrete!) – that have opened up in the last few years. Certainly blogs like yours are bringing EMC to the attention of a public that has a growing interest in BDSM/S&M.
One question that has been puzzling me is whether the discipline/punishment side of your relationship is a necessary part of EMC? Would a chastity device on its own be sufficient to make a female led relationship work (or male led in a gay relationship) or is punishment always a part of the deal. Are there other forms of “punishment” that would work equally well? For example, enforced domestic duties, or keeping the bottom/sub naked around the house, etc?
None of the discipline or BDSM is required for enforced chastity. It’s absolutely possible to just practice orgasm control and no other power exchange. If you want to add obedience and a more general power exchange, delaying orgasm or, for good behavior, advancing it, is a perfectly good way to provide negative and positive feedback.
It’s certainly true that physical discipline (“corporal punishment”, or CP to the Brits) is not necessary for a very satisfactory male chastity relationship. In my case, I regularly top my wife physically (two weekends ago, I had her tied to our cross, flogging the hell out of her), but neither of us have the slightest thought that the reverse would work for us at all.
On the other hand, she frequently (much more than half the time) keeps me locked in a Lori’s tube, typically for periods of a couple or three weeks, but as long as six weeks on one occasion. During those times, I definitely find myself catering to her more, but to me it feels more chivalrous rather than subservient. And I still spank her – we just don’t fuck afterwards (usually – sometimes she gets very horny :-). I do go down on her a lot though, which I love doing anyway…
Even if we didn’t have the classic BDSM male-top facet of our relationship (and were therefore already accustomed to power exchange concepts), male chastity would still work out well. The first, and still the greatest, benefit that my wife noticed was the dramatically enhanced communication we have as a result – I believe that the Lions have noticed this too. And this in a relationship that was already exceptionally good in every way – sexually, emotionally, and especially communication-wise. I think this would happen in most every relationship that embraces male chastity.
And as a quick follow-on, it’s important to understand that although we’re both well exposed to, and reasonably active in, the BDSM community, our day-to-day lives are not unusual in any way (at least for that reason). We both wear clothes around the house, look reasonably normal from the outside (our most significant piercings are well hidden), and read the paper over breakfast most mornings. Male chastity co-exists very well with daily life.
In the one area that I was concerned about, I’ve just taken a “damn the torpedos” attitude, and now I fly (just nationally, though) while still locked. I’m TSA-Pre, so I am by default routed to the metal detectors rather than the millimeter-wave scanners; these always pick up the fairly heavy Lori’s tube, but I always pre-announce that I’m likely to trip it because of some body jewelry, and after a cursory pat down there’s never a hitch. Did I mention looking normal on the outside?
I fly out of San Francisco, so it’s reasonable that TSA there would have “seen it all before”, but I received the same treatment in Nebraska, Alabama, and South Carolina. Just one more data point for those interested…