Back To Basics Q&A

Yesterday, Gerry, a reader posted a comment regarding FLR and enforced chastity.

One question that has been puzzling me is whether the discipline/punishment side of your relationship is a necessary part of EMC? Would a chastity device on its own be sufficient to make a female led relationship work (or male led in a gay relationship) or is punishment always a part of the deal.

These are very interesting questions. Let me parse this a bit differently.

Question 1: Does practicing enforced chastity mean you are in a female led relationship? I don’t think one necessarily implies the other. There are many FLR relationships that don’t practice enforced chastity at all. Conversely, there is no reason that enforced chastity implies a FLR. Enforced chastity doesn’t come with a rule book that dictates how to practice it. Some people do it as a change of pace weekend activity; a power game. Others, like us, make it an integral part of our relationship. Like most things, it is what you agree to make it.

Question 2: If you practice enforced chastity, do you need to include domestic discipline, rules, and punishments? We include all that because I have always liked the physical side of BDSM and including it in our FLR appealed to me and Mrs. Lion agreed to try it. Enforced chastity includes only a couple of elements: The first is a consensual power exchange where the male agrees that his partner/keyholder will take full charge of his ability to get sexual satisfaction. The second is usually the acquisition of a chastity device that assures the power exchange is honored. That’s it. You don’t even need the chastity device. The power exchange is what drives enforced chastity. Since almost all enforced chastity comes at the request of the male, strictly speaking a device isn’t needed at all. However, most of us, me included, want the device locked on our genitals.

Question 3: What do you need to make a FLR work? As far as I know, all you really need to make FLR/FLR work is agreement that the woman is going to be in charge. The notion of domestic discipline or other ways to enforce her will are not really part of the power exchange. Those ideas are added by agreement.

The point is that while Mrs. Lion and I practice a number of power exchange activities that include enforced chastity, it doesn’t mean that we are saying that everyone who wants to do this has to model their practice on ours. They key to enforced chastity is consensual power exchange. It’s an agreement. How you decide to do things is up to you to decide.

Hopefully, we have provided some insight into how we do this. Maybe some of our ideas will work for you. Bear in mind that we started small. It began with me locked up and teasing every couple of days. Orgasms came quite frequently. As we got more experienced, we added more stuff and longer waits.

Start small and see where it goes. That’s the best advice I can offer. Gerry, thanks for your very thoughtful comment.